Contemplating My Universe...

Posts that happen when you can't sleep...

2010-03-16T03:58:00.001-07:00

It's only taken me a year and a half but I think I've figured out how to go to church most Sundays. One of the hardest things for me in the past year has been missing so much church. I would never have believed how much of a difference it makes. So here's my plan... my family ward meets at 8am, so on weekends I work I'll sign up for night shifts and head to church directly after work. I can go to Sacrament meeting and then home to bed. There may be days I'm in my scrubs but that will just have to do. On the Sundays that I don't work, I can attend the new single adult ward that meets at 3pm. That way I can stay on the sleep schedule my body has come to prefer. This does mean I will have to rotate from days to nights and back more frequently - so we'll see how it goes.

Sunday I spent the evening on the phone with my grandparents filling in my family history chart. It appears much of it has been done (which I already knew but was interested), there was even a line that dated back to the 1500s. And several dating back to the 16-1700s. Amazing! The highlight was chatting with the grandparents about their parents and grandparents. I had to laugh when I asked Grandpa P about a date and he had me wait while he grabbed his 5 generation genealogy sheets - and then to wait again while he got Grandma's! For as long as I can remember I've gauged my behavior on what my family/extended family would think - I even picture them looking down on me from heaven (I might be a little paranoid). I think I've always felt that I had been blessed to be part of a strong and righteous family and that I had a responsibility to live up to that heritage. The more I look into my family history the more that feeling is confirmed.

On a lighter note, Saturday night was had a service auction activity at church. One of the "services" was 1 hour of rock climbing. I didn't bid on it (I got photography lessons) but I did find a climbing partner. We went today and I climbed for the first time in probably 3 years. It felt so good to stretch and reach and pull. There is no activity quite like climbing. I can't wait to go back. Climbing tonight reminded me of an experience I had when climbing in Yosemite a number of years ago. I was on the second pitch of the climb and had gotten a bit off course. There weren't very good holds and I felt very exposed. I could feel the wind pushing me and there was nothing between me and the ground. I could not see my belayer. I remember being genuinely scared. I was afraid that if I let go of the position I had I would fall but I couldn't see how I could easily move. After a time I realized I couldn't stay where I was, I couldn't go down, and I couldn't talk to my belayer. I had to move. I had to trust my gear, myself, and ultimately that my belayer would catch me if I fell. The end was not dramatic. I made some (completely illegal) scooting-like moves and got back on course and finished the pitch. My point, sometimes life is really hard and lonely and we feel we've been left out on our own. We feel we can't communicate with our Heavenly Father. We fear he isn't listening. But we can't stand still. If we have faith in the tools he's given us (prayer, scriptures, covenants, church support, family, friends, etc), have faith in ourselves, and most importantly have faith in Him, He will not let us fall. We may not always be graceful and we may get banged up a bit (you should have seen the bruises I sported after that day) but we will make it, our bruises will heal, and we will be stronger for it. I often lament about my trials on this blog but it is primarily because I know the people who read it are those who love me and I draw strength from that. I love you all and appreciate your supportive and loving emails and calls. I am truly blessed to have such family and friends.BTW - I'm down 60 pounds as of Sunday. Size 12-14. Not currently anemic and the hair loss is slowing. Doing pretty dang fantastic.

2010-03-03T19:36:00.000-08:00

I should have followed up my last post sooner. Things have been better the past two weeks. I was able to go to the full 3 hours of church last week, Sacrament meeting the week before, and the temple last week. I am always surprised, though I shouldn't be, how much better I feel when I get to attend church. There is nothing that makes up for missing it. I think the hardest part of my job is the fact that I miss so much church and so many activities. After a year and a half I still haven't figured out schedule myself so I don't miss. In addition to my church attendance I was able to attend a hearing at the Supreme Court and see the Terra Cotta Warriors. And... work was pretty good the last couple of shifts. I do have some of the best co-workers in the field.

I am still losing weight - down 47 pounds. Just had my blood work done today so we'll see how I'm doing there. Probably need more vitamins!

Broken

2010-02-19T22:47:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks have been hard and I'm feeling a bit broken. In November I had surgery - which has been a great success, 50 pounds so far - but I have also been very tired and at times, sick, because of it. I also moved, which has been a tremendous blessing. Back in January I went home for a visit and, in the end, got to be with Grandma in the emergency room. She past a week later. In the meantime I had gone back to VA and back to work. I, thankfully, went back to CA for the funeral and to mourn with my family. My Grandpa J has also been having some considerable health problems and is never far from my mind. Then back to VA to the most incredible of snow storms. I spent 3 days in the hospital then home for 24 hours then the next 3 days in a hotel and working. I came home only to wake up to a severe muscle spasm in my neck. I couldn't lift my head for days then finally went to the ER and got some relief. It's healing now (a week later I can move my head) but I'm exhausted. The first piece of advice I received from the neurosurgeon today was to d/c (discontinue) my job and get some rest. I haven't hardly seen my friends, I haven't been to church in almost 2 months, and I pretty well hate my job right now. All I seem to want to do is curl up on my couch or in my bed. My body hurts and my mind is worse. I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow night and the thought makes me cry. I'm just too tired and lonely to take care of others. I want my mother. I want to go home.

All that being said, there has been some divine intervention. When I arrived home after the first big storm my parking spot was chin high in snow. Just as I was losing my will to maintain sanity some men pulled up to plow the parking lot next door. $50 later my driveway was beautifully plowed. Highway robbery but completely worth it.

On Sunday I finally called a friend for a prescription for some muscle relaxants and pain killers. He stopped by, despite being awake for an obscene number of hours, and wrote for me. Then a friend walked over and filled them for me. And she brought me British movies to enjoy during my recovery.

On Wednesday I got myself to physical therapy only to have my therapist say my neck was far to unstable for her to do anything. She put me in a wheelchair and, despite my excuses, took me to the ER. There she stayed with me. I was given diluadid, a very potent pain killer, and I finally had some relief. Then another dear friend came over and filled my latest prescription.

I suppose the good comes with the bad. I just wish I had the constitution to be more, shall I say, optimistic and grateful.

2010-02-09T23:58:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in a hotel room tonight, down the street from my hospital. I'm on-call and couldn't stand the thought of staying at the hospital, again, but have to be able to get there if they need me. I spent the weekend working nights and sleeping at the hospital during the day. The snow here has been insane!

A few weeks ago I went home for a visit. I got to go visit my Grandma and was able to go with her when she was taken to the ER. She past away a week later. I am so grateful I was able to be there to say my goodbyes. She was a beautiful women and will be missed. Grandma dedicated her life to her family and the church. Thankfully I was able to go back home a week later for her funeral. It was so comforting to be with my family and to celebrate her life. I remember, before her stroke, Grandma would recite stories and poems and tell stories from her childhood. I've missed her voice as she has lost her speech over the years. One of my greatest comforts has been that I know she is with my Aunt Kathy and so many of her friends and family and that she is now free of the body that had become worn. I have been so comforted by my testimony of eternal families and that she still lives.

The latest update on my surgery and progress, I am down 50 pounds. I am not throwing up nearly as often and usually only when I drink too much water. I'm getting better about getting all my vitamins in. As many have asked, and I've been worried about, my hair is falling out a bit more than normal and I struggle to stay hydrated. Don't worry though, I found a protein supplement that should help with the hair and I'm always trying to drink.

So mostly I haven't written because I've been traveling, mourning, working, snowed in, sleeping, and a bit sad. Nothing much else is new.

2010-01-02T16:49:00.000-08:00

I still have some work to do... hanging pictures, putting things in the storage unit outside, getting an closet, etc. It's getting more organized.

My new home!

2010-01-02T15:39:00.000-08:00

My new place. I moved in the Monday before Christmas. I'm truly enjoying having my own place to decorate and make my own. I'll post the "after" photos shortly. I have to take some.

Weight Loss

2010-01-02T15:20:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken in October, just a few weeks prior to surgery.

This was taken on Thanksgiving, 2 weeks after surgery. I was down about 15-20 pounds.

Last week, taken at "Ice", an incredible ice sculpture exhibit my friend took us to. Photos to follow on another post... I'm down about 37 pounds, 2-3 jean sizes. I actually fit nicely into a size 14 dress at Banana Republic yesterday!

Taken Thursday

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I would say my energy level is almost normal and I'm able to eat a greater variety of foods. I currently eat, as several people have asked, lots of dairy, eggs, chicken, and crackers. "Lots" being relative. I typically eat about 3 bites per meal. I recently purchased child sized silverware which has made eating far more enjoyable. This week I started eating non-pureed fruit, i.e. apples and berries. I haven't lost any hair, thankfully (Mom said people were asking). Any other questions...? I am delighted with the results of my surgery and am looking forward to returning to work in a couple weeks. I've been off forever (I can't go back until I can go back with no restrictions) and I'm ready to see my friends and patients again.

Donation

2009-12-29T21:34:00.001-08:00

I've been donating lots of stuff to Goodwill lately. Mostly because I moved out of my townhouse and into a small studio with next to no storage. I do love my little place and promise to post pictures soon. So... today... I had a box to donate sitting on the front seat of my car, the sun was bright so I took off my glasses and placed them on top of the box and put on my sunglasses. Little voice in my head says, if you leave those there you'll forget and end of donating them... in reply I thought, probably true. Did I move my glasses? No. Did I donate my glasses to Goodwill? Yes. Tomorrow I'm going to the optometrist for an emergency vision test and new glasses. Lesson of the day, always listen to the voice (aka the Holy Ghost).

And yes, I did go back and ask and dig around but loads of other people were donating today too. I did love those glasses....

2009-12-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

Moving day got snowed out...

2009-11-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

20 pounds down as of today!!! Today has been a much better day, even enjoyed all 3 hours of church.

Update

2009-11-21T16:59:00.000-08:00

I'm doing considerably better but I still feel like crap. Mom and I are going for a walk, she's wearing her nightgown underneath her sweats. She said I could write that.

Surgerical Update - do not read while eating.

2009-11-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

It's been one week since my gastric bypass surgery. It's been a week that has given me a close up look at hell. I was told on Monday they needed to bump back my surgery to a later time so I didn't need to be at the hospital until 10am. That morning it rained, there was construction and we were late. No biggie, they were running late anyway. I was now scheduled for 4pm. Mind you, I had been on a liquid diet for a week (minus the 3 french fries I almost killed my mother over) and had been on clear liquids since noon and NPO (nothing by mouth) since midnight. It was getting very painful. Surgery went fine and the first thing I remember is being in my room feeling very foggy and thirsty. Still NPO until the next afternoon. It's amazing I didn't kill anyone for a drink of water. It was possible. My hospital stay was miserable-ish. Some really good nurses, some not so great. Here's a huge shocker of my stay... wait for it... I couldn't pee. Yes, it's true. I was unable to pee. Had to have help. I'll leave it at that. Don't worry I'm back to my every 30 minute schedule.

I came home Saturday afternoon, feeling pretty miserable. Saturday night the real pain started. You see, for the surgery they fill up the belly with CO2 so they can see better, all that CO2 gets reabsorbed and comes out in burps and toots. I was vomiting air. Absolutely, horrifically painful and scary. No sleep.

Sunday brought diarrhea and cramping. No sleep. Monday, more diarrhea and cramping. Tuesday, more diarrhea and cramping and a doppler looking for blood clots. No sleep. Wednesday, more diarrhea, cramping and an abdominal CT, and a Priesthood blessing (should that have happened sooner?). Thursday, answers. I have c. Diff. If you work in medicine you will now say, disgusting. C. diff is a difficult bacteria to fight, tends to thrive in compromised immune systems when they receive antibiotics. Usually happens to hospitalized/nursing home patients. Causes horrible, foul-smelling, diarrhea. Yes, that's been me. Yes, I am ready to kill myself. I start antibiotics today.

Other good news, I will hopefully progress to mushy foods today. Wish me luck.

As for weight loss, I've gained 2 pounds while drinking water, jello, Popsicles and milk. They say not to worry about it.

I do feel somewhat better today. I was only up 3 times (that I can remember, thank you ambien) last night. Best sleep so far.

1 week and counting

2009-11-05T16:37:00.000-08:00

I started Optifast today in preparation for surgery next Thursday. I have to admit, it's nice to not worry about food, food preparation, dishes... I had my final appointment with the surgeon and nutritionist today, all is in place. One week and counting.

2009-10-29T06:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated since my big post about my up-coming gastric bypass surgery. I decided to have my surgery here in VA and will have the traditional bypass surgery. There was a lot that went into making the decision but I won't bore you with the details. Essentially, I wanted to be close to my doctor and they offer/require meetings with a nutritionist. The nutritionist was significant in swaying my decision. I meet with her 3 times prior to surgery to plan my meals and then have unlimited access to her after surgery for the first 18 months. There is also a support group that meets monthly.

So my feelings... I feel really peaceful about this decision. It's been a long time coming and I have, at times, been very stressed and anxious about it. It was probably one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I've never understood people who couldn't just make decisions, it's always come so easy to me. I look at my options, look at the consequences and decide. This time just wasn't that simple. I felt that the Lord was asking me to make the decision and wasn't giving me any direction. My theory held true though and once I made the choice and moved forward with my plans I felt peaceful.

I know this is going to be a tough journey at times and I know there will be loads required of me to be successful but I am optimistic this will allow me to get to a healthier place. I'm excited and at peace. And very excited to have my mom come stay with me for a week!

Amazon

2009-10-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

I am now a seller on Amazon - I'm selling my nursing books and a few other random ones I don't plan on reading again. So far I've sold 5 books (sadly only one nursing book) and made $68.59. Not bad.

Dad, do you agree?

2009-10-26T20:43:00.001-07:00

"If you've ever tried to get wet toilet paper out of a tall oak tree you start believing in capital punishment". "Halloween" on the History Channel. Love it.

"500 Days of Summer"

2009-09-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

"500 Days of Summer" was lame and slightly depressing. Who wants to go to the movies and not have a happy ending? Lame. I like fairy tales. If I wanted reality I would read my journal. There was, however, one exceptional scene where they split screen him going to a party at her house, one side: "expectations" the other side "reality". That was an excellent portrayal of reality. Loved it. The rest of the movie, not so much. If I didn't have to work in the morning I'd probably cry.

Weird

2009-09-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

To qualify for the mini-gastric bypass (MGB) surgery I have to be a certain weight. When I started this process back in April I was over the qualifying weight by about 10 pounds. I have since lost that 10 pounds. Herein lies the problem, if I lose anymore weight I may not qualify, per insurance, for the surgery. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay the same weight - especially when you're neurotic about it? Believe, I thought I was crazy before... My biggest fear about this surgery is that my insurance won't approve it. I want it to by my choice.

Just a glimpse into my life... I don't have a chair for my desk so I sit on my exercise ball. I just tried to adjust my position on it and fell off, taking down a lamp and a clock. They were small... Now I'm sitting in the dark. Embracing my inner klutz.

I'm off to go see "500 Days of Summer" with my friend.

Mini Gastric Bypass Surgery

2009-08-31T19:19:00.001-07:00

I haven't written about this yet, I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about it over my blog. I am very seriously considering having bariatric surgery in November. When I say "very seriously", I have a pre-op appointment and a surgery date. This decision hasn't come to me easily and I have concerns about it but I feel it is the best option for me and I don't know what else to do.

Most of you know I've been struggling with my weight since I was about 8 years old. I've tried so many diets and until this past year have been a pretty consistent exerciser. This year has taken it's toll. I had knee surgery a year and a half ago and developed impingement syndrome in my shoulder swimming last summer. Between the knee and the shoulder and working and not sleeping and the gallbladder, I'm a mess. I just want to be able to move again.

I found a surgeon in North Carolina who performs the "mini gastric bypass". The typical bypass surgery creates a stomach pouch, then bypasses and reattaches the small intestine in two places. I'd have to draw a picture as I'm not great at explaining. There are lots of complications with that surgery, my biggest fear being you can stretch out the small pouch and end up back where you started. The "mini" instead of making a pouch divides the stomach length-wise creating a tube then bypasses part of the small intestine and reattaches it further down. There is only one new connection point and the stomach is significantly harder to stretch. Additionally, the risks are significantly decreased.

To qualify for my insurance to pay for the surgery I have had to meet with a nutritionist and my physician for 6 months, have a psychological evaluation, have a support letter written and notorized, and write personal statements. September will be my 6th month.

As I go into the final months of preparation I'm getting scared. I'm afraid my insurance won't cover it. I'm afraid it won't work. I'm afraid I'll have digestion and malnutrition problems. I'm afraid I'll have loose skin. I'm afraid I'll lose unevenly and look funny. I'm afraid.

I've talked to loads of people who have had this surgery and other gastric bypass surgeries and I've yet to have anyone say they regret it. Many have said they would do it all over again - even if they had complications. I'm still working through my fears, obviously, and while I may sound awfully scared tonight, usually I'm quite confident in my decision. I know this won't be an easy path but I'm hoping to start a new story. I want my new story to be unhindered by obesity.

Montgomery County Fair

2009-08-31T17:43:00.000-07:00

My friends and I went to the Montgomery County Fair last weekend... it was all a county fair should be... loads of fried food... farm animals... pig races... decorated toilets... and yes, fried Oreos are delicious!!! Oh, and it was pouring rain the whole time...

Jensen Family Reunion Scrapbook

2009-08-31T17:38:00.000-07:00

Kelli put together these darling scrapbook projects for us to work on during the Jensen family reunion. I finally finished putting my photos in it. I LOVED working on this project - it even inspired me to make some cards and start on my London-Paris scrapbook (the trip was a year and a half ago). Thanks Kelli for the new hobby!

Random, middle of the night thoughts...

2009-08-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

I've seen every version of "Persuasion" (pretty sure), most of them countless times. I've read the book, countless times. It's still my favorite.

I completely loved making scrapbooks at the family reunion so I bought a few things to make cards. I really enjoyed having a perfectly acceptable middle of the night activity. I may even do it again.

I got to go home for the Jensen Family reunion. We stayed in Placerville, CA for a few days. It was so great to catch up with my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. I miss them.

It's really hot here.

Did I say I really love "Persuasion"? Capt. Wentworth is my favorite of the Austen men, sorry Mr. Darcy. It also makes me wish I lived in England.

I love my job. It kicks my trash. My favorite patient was the one who came in for menstrual cramps and heavy bleeding.... yesterday. No problems today.... just yesterday. She came in about 2am. Just curious, were the infomercials so bad she the ER would be more entertaining?

Being up in the middle of the night, alone, is weird.

2009-05-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

Since I have been here... there has been a Memorial Day BBQ, swimming lessons, gymnastics, 1st grade music performance, preschool graduation, and loads of sleep. Tomorrow will be a family river day... I am recovering well.

2009-05-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

I had my post-op appt today and was given the thumbs-up to go home for the remainder of my recovery. I will be off for another 2 weeks and am looking forward to spending them with my nieces, nephews, and boat.

I also picked up my CPAP machine. So now I'm like every other middle-aged, overweight man. Let's just hope I don't terrify the kiddo's with the mask!

2009-05-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

For the past 6 months or so I've been experiencing moderately to horribly painful abdominal pain. I had an ultrasound in October that showed gallstones but no infection, no thickening of the walls, no blockages, no reason to do anything now. So I kept taking handfuls of tylenol and ibuprofen, manipulating my diet and doing little more than eating, sleeping, and working. I finally gave up and saw my MD last Monday who referred me to a surgeon saying it may be time to take it out. My appointment was for yesterday.

Friday was my first off-orientation shift. All was going well, I didn't feel great and asked to go to an early lunch. Patient flow didn't cooperate and I finally went to dinner about 5pm (I'd been working since 10am). After a few bites of my salad the pain was too intense. I went back to the ER and asked my charge nurse if what she thought. Her suggestion, lay down. About 10 minutes later I was admitted to the ED for abdominal pain.

I was admitted to the hospital that night and scheduled to have my gallbladder removed on Saturday. The surgery was uneventful and I was planning on going home Sunday morning. Mom and Dad were planning on coming as soon as they could. My friend Michelle dropped by about 11pm on Saturday night and, after visiting for a bit, decided she'd stay with me. About 2am I started trying, unsuccessfully, to clear my throat. I couldn't cough, couldn't really talk. (I wish I had a recording as it was actually pretty funny sounding). It was really hard to get any air out. I called the nurse, who asked if I could wait until morning as my doctor wasn't on the unit. I told her that I couldn't breathe, it felt like my throat was closing and NO, I could not wait until morning. The resident was called, who called the senior resident, who didn't know what was going on. Respiratory came and gave me an epinephrine treatment, which helped some, and I rested until morning. Long story... ENT finally came and scoped my throat and found I had swelling just below the vocal cords. So I had 2 LARGE doses of prednisone and an extra night in the hospital.

Mom and Dad showed up Sunday night and I came home Monday. Since then I've just been resting. Each day is better than the last. My voice is still scratchy and comes and goes. My abs feel like I've done a few too many sit-ups. Otherwise, I'm doing well. I will not be able to go to Duck Beach this weekend (I can't be submerged yet) so I'm thinking of spending the rest of my recovery at home in CA. We'll see on Friday after my post-op appointment.

I appreciate all the calls, emails, and thoughts this week. It was a bit of adventure, but hey, this is me. I don't do anything the easy way.

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...

2009-05-05T19:30:00.000-07:00

1. First thing you wash in the shower? My face.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Grey.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Absolutely NOT.
4. Do you plan outfits? Always.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Cozy and sunkissed.
6. Whats the closest thing to you that is red? My dining room rug.
7. What was the last dream you remember having? Can't remember.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? Yes.
9. What are you craving right now? Milk.
10. Do you floss? Yes but not as regularly as I used to.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Gross.
12. Are you emotional? Oh yeah.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Not as far back as I can remember. Never been into numbers.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Both.
15. Do you like your hair? Kind of, I'm due for a new style.
16. Do you like yourself? Mostly.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Yes.
18. What are you listening to right now? Commercials, I'm watching Gossip Girl.
19. Are your parents strict? No. They taught us correct principles then let us govern ourselves.
20. Would you go sky diving? Yes.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? Yes. Knudsen's is my favorite.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Famous people but not celebrities.
23. Do you rent movies often? No.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? No. Shocking.
25. How many countries have you visited? 3 - England, France, Mexico.
26. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes, but I was never very successful as I could never stop giggling.
27. Ever been on a train? Yes.
28. Brown or white eggs? White.
29.Do you have a cell-phone? Yes. Just got a new one today. My old one wouldn't stay charged.
30. Do you use chap stick? Yes.
31. Do you own a gun? No, but I'm not opposed to them either.
32. Can you use chop sticks? Not really.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? My roommates are home.
34. Are you too forgiving? I don't think so.
35. Ever been in love? Not really, loved, yes, been in love, no.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? Working, I assume.
37. Ever have cream puffs? Yes, but their not my favorite.
38. Last time you cried? Saturday at the Vietnam Memorial.
39. What was the last question you asked? "So how was your day?"
40. Favorite time of the year? Fall, Winter, Spring
41. Do you have any tattoos? No.
42. Are you sarcastic? Yes.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? No.
44. Ever walked into a wall? If you don't know the answer to this question you haven't walked with me much. Yes.
45. Favorite color? It changes, currently, orange.
46. Have you ever slapped someone? I don't think so.
47. Is your hair curly? No, except lately it kind of does. Humidity?
48. What was the last CD you bought? It's been so long, I don't remember.
49. Do looks matter? Yes. Sad but true.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Probably not.
51. Is your phone bill sky high? No. Pretty average cell phone bill.
52. Do you like your life right now? Yes.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on? No.
54. Can you handle the truth? That's a good question, depends on how it's delivered.
55. Do you have good vision? I wear glasses so obviously it's not perfect.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? I don't know that I hate anyone but there are those I dislike.
57. How often do you talk on the phone? More than I like.
58. The last person you held hands with? A boy who's just a friend.
59. What are you wearing? PJ shorts, sweatshirt.
60. What is your favorite animal? I don't know. Not really an animal person.
61. Where was your default picture taken? The National Mall after the Inauguration.
62. Can you hula hoop? No. Never have.
63. Do you have a job? Yes. I'm an ER nurse and I love it!
64. What was the most recent thing you bought? My new cell phone.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes.

2009-05-04T22:31:00.001-07:00

This past weekend my friend Andrea came for a visit and I had to opportunity to see more of my new city. Saturday was a whirlwind day of monuments. We started at Roosevelt Island, a beautiful nature preserve in the Potomac river. We wandered around, found the beautiful outdoor memorial, then discovered some enormous webs that had captured a startling number of caterpillars. From there we went to the Lincoln. It was raining and I had a bit of a hard time figuring out where to park and there were a lot of middle schoolers but it was still beautiful. Next we went on to the Vietnam Memorial, or "the Wall". "The Wall" is the most heartbreaking of all I have seen so far. There is something so powerful in witnessing the individual loss of so many lives. I tried so hard not to cry it made my face hurt. After Vietnam we walked over to the Korean where one of my favorite quotes is carved in stone, "Freedom is not free". Next was the WWII. Then WWI. We've lost so many in defense of liberty, I hope those sacrifices are never wasted. I often worry we take the freedoms we have for granted and aren't doing enough to protect them. If we don't protect the liberty of all we each lose some of our own. I'm stepping off my soapbox now.

After all the monuments we trekked down to Old Towne Alexandria for our Ghost Tour. We skipped the official tour and went with some ghost hunter dressed in Colonial garb. Turns out it was us and one other lady. Perfect, as all the other groups we saw had loads of middle schoolers being obnoxious! His approach was to tell the history and throw in the ghost story. I would love to go again - very interesting.

Sunday we slept in then headed over to the Museum of Natural History. The dinosaur exhibit made me miss my nephews more than ever! They would have been beside themselves... My favorite was the forensic anthropology exhibit. I'm going to have to head back to see the rest. Last stop, we went to the Jefferson Memorial, my personal favorite, mostly for all the reasons I talked about before. Without the inspired Decarlation of Indepence (based on George Mason's Virginia Bill of Rights and Constitution) we wouldn't have had the freedom that allowed for the restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we may still have slavery, and my parents may have been allowed to marry me off to the highest bidder (maybe they would have had better luck).

Enjoy the photos. Sorry for the soapbox.

2009-04-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

Co Co Sala

My "Main Coarse"
Bananas Fosters, Gelato, Chocolate Cupcake, Milk Chocolate Shot

Dessert

Hmmmmm.........

Yummmmyyyy!

The Best Friend and a-mazing chocolate. Absolutely perfect.

2009-04-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

My new VA plates

2009-04-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

Bold the things you have done. (or color)

1. Started your own blog - you're reading it
2. Slept under the stars - lots of times, it's actually my preference
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower - always on the lookout for falling stars
6. Given more than you can afford to charity - yes and no comment
7. Been to Disneyland - it's the happiest place on earth!
8. Climbed a mountain - Mt Timp on a very bad date
9. Held a Praying Mantis
10. Sang a solo - once for a Young Women's program. Not my favorite experience.
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris - Last Spring. LOVED, LOVED, LOVED IT
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - does my photography count?
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning - happens to me all the time. Maybe I'm allergic to something.
17. Been to the Statue of Liberty - with Crissie and the boys. I'd given Jonny a plane that made the take-off noise, he kept pushing the button during the tour. It kind of echos in there.
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre - She's as beautiful and they saw. The reproductions don't compare
20. Slept on a train - BART
21. Had a pillow fight - of course!
22. Hitch hiked - seems like a bad plan to me...
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - me, of course I would never do such a thing. Except the time I called in sick while at Disneyland and ended up with heat rash, cramps, and vomiting...
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Dated someone you met online
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset - more sunsets than sunrises
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person - when picking Steve up from his mission
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors - I've been to the country (England) but not the city. It's on the list.
35. Seen an Amish community - again, when picking Steve up from his mission
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing - miss that particular hobby. Planning on going tomorrow.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke - sorry about that friends.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt - on the family road trip before Rich got hitched.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - I bought a kid a big lollipop at Disneyland once
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Swam in the Taiya Inlet in Alaska
47. Had your portrait painted - by Mary Beth Cheney's father back when I was in high school
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - AMAZING, and very cold
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud - I enjoy playing in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater - of course, I did live in Provo
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business - photography
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies - I was a Girl Scout in elementary school
62. Gone whale watching - puked my guts out but the killer whales were pretty killer
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma - yes, but I'm always denied now d/t always being borderline anemic
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check - no comment
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial - with my dad in 1994. And now I live near it. Have to admit, the Jefferson Memorial is my favorite.
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Tied a quilt - once when I was a kid
73. Stood in Times Square - when I was in NYC with Dave and Crissie
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a Bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox - as a kid, don't remember it.
89. Saved someone’s life - it's my job
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous - I served Elder Oaks when I worked as a waitress
92. Joined a book club - Ashley's books by mail book group. Love it.
93. Lost a loved one - Not many, but a few. Hurts every time.
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone - of course, it's the only phone I have now
99. Been stung by a bee - and I am, shocking, allergic
100. Visited Italy

41/100

Happiness Found...

2009-04-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

I think I found a bit of the Celestial Kingdom here on earth. It's a restaurant called Co Co. Sala. They specialize in chocolate. I'll post photos later, as I'm in a very happy place right now and can't be bothered. Absolutely a-maz-ing. It just may be my new happy place.

Check it out: cocosala.com

2009-03-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I went out for Thai food last night. It was my first. SUPER YUMMY!!!! Ashley, you were right, Thai food is the best and I can't wait to come home and go to your favorite place in Oakland.

Pooped

2009-03-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

I went on a bike ride today. Just a nice, leisurely bike ride. Okay, maybe not leisurely. I rode while my friend ran, he's training for a half marathon. It felt really good, except for the part when my lungs were exploding, but for the most part it was really nice. I will go again, but for now, I'm pooped.

Oh, and I'm supposed to go out for Thai food tonight. It'll be my first time. I'll let you know...

Ryan Goes to Washington

2009-03-18T22:27:00.001-07:00

My friend Ryan came to visit. I finally started to see my new city. Georgetown, Washington Monument, Jefferson Memorial, Capital Building Tour, Library of Congress, Air and Space Museum, Georgetown again, institute... Ryan come back!

And, while I'm not in any of the photos, I swear I was there.

Where can I find a baby daddy like this?

2009-03-05T20:43:00.001-08:00

2009-03-05T20:37:00.000-08:00

The following post will show my new shoes. New shoes that are incredibly special because they don't hurt my feet. My feet hurt. All the time. Especially since I started nursing school. I've tried loads of shoes and nothing has helped - mostly they've hurt. I finally found a place, across the street from my house, where they fitted me with orthotics and I found two (2!!!) pairs of shoes that haven't hurt my feet yet. Happy day.

Happy Feet

2009-03-05T20:34:00.001-08:00

2009-02-26T18:17:00.001-08:00

Day shifts are harder than night shifts. I'm just sayin'.

2009-02-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to think of something to blog about but nothing very exciting has been going on lately. So I thought I'd let you in on a secret. I love to read. That's not really a secret. Lately I've been reading, well lots. It's because I stay up all night and get bored. I wish I enjoyed reading intelligent, thought provoking books, but I don't. I read for sheer entertainment value. My reading list lately has been as follows...

Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn
Northanger Abbey
Dead Until Dark
Living Dead in Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Definitely Dead
The Princess Academy
Goose Girl
Enna Burning

...all since Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm a read-a-holic. Any suggestions for my next book?

25 Random Things About Me...

2009-02-09T00:02:00.000-08:00

Facebook has a "tag" going around - 25 Random Things About Me - I had to be tagged a few times before I managed to write my list but here it is...

25 Random Things About Me...

1. I have a special smile I get when I see people I love. It's my favorite smile.
2. I miss my nephews and nieces terribly. I think about them all the time, wonder how they're doing, what their doing, what their learning, and wish I could be there to witness it all.
3. My family (extended included) is comprised of my favorite people in the world.
4. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is nothing more sacred to me than my testimony.
5. I'm a night owl and sleep better during the day. Since working the night shift I have slept better than I've ever slept before. It's a good thing. Now I just need to figure out what to do when I'm awake at 4 am.
6. I love to read.
7. My happy place is lying on the back of my daddy's boat on a sunny day on Sandmound slough, listening to the quiet, the kids, the water, the birds, ahhh....
8. I love my job. I especially love poking people with needles. Don't ask me why, I just do.
9. I think respiratory secretions are revolting. So is poop, urine, and vomit but respiratory is far and away the grossest. It's the sound that gets me. (Oh, and just a side note, when you give a urine sample it's really nice to wipe off the container and wrap it in a clean paper towel before you hand it back to the nurse. And EVERYONE should wash their hands after using the bathroom).
10. I have a chronic post-nasal drip that makes me cough. I hate it.
11. I'm allergic to almost everything that grows. I love being outside anyway.
12. Going to London and Paris changed my life. Not in any huge or spectacular way but I just feel like I understand who I am just a little bit better.
13. All I ate in Paris was bread, cheese, and chocolate. Best days ever.
14. I broke my teeth falling down steps outside my apartment. That was 9 years ago and I'm just now coming to the conclusion I'm a klutz (people have been telling me for years but I didn't believe them).
15. I would do anything for my friends.
16. I love to smile and laugh. It's not hard to make me laugh and I count it a great day if I'm sore from laughing.
17. I hate to cry. It gives me a headache.
18. I love Jane Austin books and movies. I have enjoyed every version of "Pride and Prejudice" I've ever seen except for the Bollywood version. I thought it was weird.
19. I'm good at making decisions and indecision drives me bonkers.
20. I've learned not to run away from my challenges.
21. I want to marry someone who makes me laugh thunderously (one of my favorite Jonathon comments).
22. Driving fast makes me giddy. Driving a sexy car makes me weak. A beautiful man driving a beautiful car makes me swoon.
23. I saw "Twilight" 4 times. I swooned at the part where Edward drives up and rescues Belle (see #22) I liked it better every time I saw it. I've read the series twice. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it.
24. I love clocks. I'm rarely on time but I love clocks.
25. I love the sound of the rain and the coziness of snow falling.

Night Life

2009-01-29T09:53:00.000-08:00

I've been working nights for the past month or so. I enjoy the night shift, it's usually a bit quieter, less chaotic, and people tend to be more relaxed. I'm also a night owl so staying awake is easy and I don't have to get up early in the morning (a great way for me to be unintentionally grouchy). I'm finding a problem with the night life though. All I do is work and sleep. Even on my days off. I've been off since Monday morning and my productive hours probably only add up to about 8. I've read a book, watched tv, paid my bills, etc but I've barely left the house. It's like being sick and having to stay home without actually being sick (though I have had a sore throat and stuffy nose). And I haven't seen anyone, except my roommates in passing and my coworkers, since last Tuesday (9 days ago). I don't think I like this. I'm going to have to come up with some kind of schedule and force myself to stick to it but I just haven't quite figured that out yet. And yes I'm up. I have to work tonight and should be sleeping but I got bored last night and went to bed...

And I just spilled Diet Coke all over my keyboard. Yeah.

Inauguration

2009-01-27T23:56:00.001-08:00

It was a cold, early morning. Not as cold as I would have anticipated and all bundled up as I was, not bad. We met up and walked and walked and walked from Arlington (near the cemetary) to the National Mall. Military guards monitored the bridge and, just a note, you can't take pictures of the pentagon, not even of the fence. There were people and potties, plenty of potties for the people. We walked to the Washington and mingled with the crowd then down to the WWII Memorial to watch the Inauguration. Building pyramids and Brady Bunch lines kept us warm and entertained the crowds. One boy asking me to move as I was in his shot, the shot I set up. Hmm. Amazing that many people in one place and no arrests. Grateful for the peaceable change of power.

My VA Townhome

2009-01-27T23:44:00.001-08:00

Christmas Break

2009-01-07T21:48:00.000-08:00

So I didn't manage to keep up the daily blog while I was home. After viewing the photos I'm sure you'll understand why. I had a wonderful time at home with my family. It was the first Christmas we've had with all the kiddos ever! I loved every minute of it.

Baby D

Baby D, C and I made this super fun Gingerbread house.

The best part is where Baby D decided to taste test the roof.

RJ as our Christmas Angel/Mary.
Baby D and her Daddy as Mary and Joseph
Our Wise Men
The Pianists
Grandpa and Baby D as Mary
Singing Christmas songs on Christmas Eve
Happy Birthday Jesus!
Christmas Eve gift exchange
Baby D with her new jewelry

RJ cheering J on
J is a ROCK STAR at batting
The girls playing nap time
Storytime
Christmas cookies
Snacks, snacks everywhere....
If you're happy and you know it...

Christmas Vacation - Day 1

2008-12-23T12:18:00.001-08:00

I worked Sunday night until 10:30p then dragged myself home to finish packing and to get some sleep before heading out to CA. I managed about 3 hours of sleep then drove myself out to Dulles to catch my 8am flight. So grateful to be leaving that particular day as the weather had suddenly turned obscenely cold. So I arrived in CA by early afternoon and thought, I'll go home and nap then go see the kiddos. Right... So C jumped in my arms before I even made it through the door (I LOVE IT!) and an hour or so later I packed C and D up and headed up to visit Little R, Uncle S and Aunt K in their new house. We met up at Taco Bell - a first for me in years. Not bad actually. S got out the snake in an attempt to entertain C and the photos started. It's so good to be home.

R and D on the favorite Dora couch. They were showing us their shoes.
D looks like she's trying to get away with something... Not sure what but that is my phone.

Baby D showing us her shoes. She doesn't usually run around in just her diaper and shoes but that's what happens when you pour your sippy cup of water all over yourself and your aunt didn't pack extra clothes...

Baby D and Uncle S holding Moe the snake.

C and Moe

R was a little more brave and let her daddy put Moe around her neck. She freaked about half a second later.

Christmas photos - C's idea. Maybe you had to be there but it was pretty funny. Remember when Mom and Dad used to make you all line up in front of the Christmas tree and take a family picture. The only thing missing in this photo is someone being "naughty" and someone crying.

2008-12-07T20:54:00.000-08:00

My best friend Karen came to visit me this weekend - my first visitor! We had a wonderful time. I'd like to say we got out and saw all the sites but... we went shopping. Come on, Banana Republic was having a crazy good sale on outwear and it's cold here. We had grand plans to check out a couple of Smithsonian's and the National Mall on Saturday but we (meaning I) had a hair color emergency on Saturday morning. It was purple, well fushia, but still, not good. So I spent the day getting my hair fixed while Karen shopped and occasionally dropped of bags for me to babysit. We do have a great mall here in Arlington. The lady who did my hair was an hysterical African American women. She told me at one point she was 38, which I couldn't believe, and while I was gawking at her, awestruck, she stated, "Black don't crack!" I promptly, without thinking responded, "I WANT TO BE A BLACK WOMEN!" At which point half the salon turned, looked, and started laughing. Delightful. Saturday night Karen and I went on double dates with her ex-boyfriend Rex and my platonic pocket pal, Ty. Let's just say we had to think of things to talk about but it was far less awkward than I anticipated. We went to dinner at a Lebonese restaurant in Arlington then into the District to see the National Christmas Tree. The National Tree is spectacular and then they surround it with trees decorated by each state and the territories. It was freezing and Ty did not dress appropriately, hence he looks like a moron in most of the pictures. We like him anyway. I took Karen to the airport today, as I was not able to convince her to move out here this weekend. I don't see anything wrong with her quitting her job over the phone and having her roommates ship her stuff out here... nothing wrong at all, but she disagreed. Since we didn't do much touring and she didn't get to go to the temple (her one request) I have leverage to get her out here again. Picture me with an evil grin and a wicked cackel. I can't wait...

Ty & Julie, Rex & Karen at the Lebonese Restaurant

A state tree, the National tree, and the White House

Karen and I in front of the National tree

Rex and Karen in front of the Colorado tree

Ty and I in front of the California tree

Ty and I dancing to the Christmas music

Ty was very, very cold

Thanksgiving

2008-12-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

I couldn't decide where to go for Thanksgiving this year so I went to two. Good decision on my part. I enjoyed prepping for dinner on Wednesday night and then the socializing and appetizers at Wendy's house then went tripping over to my friend Amanda's house for dinner with the girls. I didn't manage to take pictures at Amanda's but don't worry, I adore those girls so they'll creep up at some point.

This Thanksgiving was bittersweet for me. I've been living in Arlington for almost 2 months now and I love it but this was my very first non-family Thanksgiving. Not bad for being a 31 year old but still a bit sad. I also learned on Wednesday night that my Grandma was in the hospital, quite sick. It was the first time I've felt homesick. So I tried to think of things I'm grateful for. It's not hard... Here's a short list...

I am grateful...

1. to have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. To know I'm my Heavenly Father's daughter and I have a place and a mission here on this earth.

2. to belong to a family (extended included) who loves and supports me. Even when I'm crazy. Or far away. Don't know what I would do or where I would be without you.

3. to be the aunt of Jonny, Crewe, James, Rebecca, Dayne, and Isaac. I love each of them more than I can express in words. I think of them often and missed them terribly. I am so grateful for eternal families and to know I get to keep them forever (even if their technically not mine).

4. to have a job I love.

5. to work with people I like.

6. to get paid to make people feel better. And to give shots and start IVs (I really enjoy doing that).

7. to have wonderful new friends in Arlington.

8. to have best friends.

9. to have roommates I like and a comfortable home (and a comfortable bed!).

10. for cell phones with free long distance so I can stay close to my family and friends.

11. for the temple. Especially with it being so close.

12. for fall leaves and snow flurries.

13. for Gold's Gym.

14. for laughter - if I couldn't laugh I would probably cry.

15. comfy sweats.

Patty, Julie, Michelle working on the Thanksgiving prep. We made a gratitude turkey, wassal, 100+ orange rolls, and a cheese ball.

Patty and Michelle shaping the gratitude turkey.The gratitude turkey "pre-feathers".

"Helpful Henry" aka Ty. He did make three trips to the store...

The gratitude turkey "post-feathers".Ty and I at Thanksgiving dinner #1.

Fours

2008-12-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

#1: This photo was taken 10-31-07 at the Wilson House Halloween Party. #2: I was a modestly dressed go-go dancer. #3: I had fake eyelashes (that I loved). #4: The shoes KILLED my feet.

Thanks Kelli - fun idea.

Rules of the game: post the fourth photo in the fourth folder and write four things about it.

Thanksgiving posts to come...

You've got to be kidding me....

2008-11-23T14:40:00.000-08:00

In nursing school my hands would get raw, I thought from all the washing and alcohol rubs. So when my hands got a bit raw here I didn't think much of it. But yesterday, I worked a 12 hour shift, and by the end my hands were bright purple/red, swollen, and sweaty. Again, blame it on the washing. So I showed my preceptor and she thought maybe I was ripping my gloves off and should be more careful, maybe wear a larger size. By the end of the night all I could get on were larges (I usually wear a medium or small). The other thought was that it might be an allergy to the gloves and to have central supply send a different kind for me to use. No big deal. So I went to work this morning and showed the charge nurse, asking for some different gloves. Turns out this is a big deal. So kind of flipped out on me, what if I had gone home and had a systemic reaction??? I should have said something right away!!! Anyway, I had to be admitted to the ED as a patient, side note: it's really boring and cold in there if you're a patient. I was given benadryl and steroids and told I can't come back until I've been cleared by employee health and my hands are clear. Oh, and I have to wear my own special gloves. 'Cause that's convenient. Lovely. Seriously, who do these kinds of things happen too? Me. Only me.

A change

2008-11-19T19:47:00.000-08:00

I'm a red-head. You may be wondering why. Yes, I did it on purpose and I love it. I think I was born to be a red-head. I've been wanting to do it for years and last night I went with my friend to buy color for her and ended up buying a box. I got home and thought, why not, what could possibly go wrong? My first try was "strawberry blond" or, in my opinion, pinkish-orange. So I walked calmly across the street and bought a box of darker dye. It turned out perfect and today my friend put in some low and highlights so it looks more natural. Several people at work came up to me and looked confused until they figured it out. Pretty funny. So I don't know how long it will last but for now, I love it.

Uncle Rod

2008-11-10T09:00:00.001-08:00

A week ago Sunday my Uncle Rod passed away. I've been thinking a lot about him and the influence he had on me and my hope and belief in the Plan of Salvation. My strongest memory of Uncle Rod was Christmas of 1995. I had just completed my first semester at BYU and had taken anatomy in the hopes of going to their nursing program. Rod was so encouraging of my goal and taught me a mnemonic to remember the carpal bones (wrist bones). I can remember the mnemonic but I still have a hard time remembering the names of the bones. "Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle". S?, Lunate, T?, Pisiform, T?, T?, Capitate, Hamate.

Rod was also always so willing to let us visit the cabin in Hatch. I have so many fond memories there and it was such an escape while I was living in Utah. I often dream about it and it is one of my favorite "happy places".

The other truly significant memory I have is actually of a testimony that was born in my singles ward in Dublin. One of the counselors in the bishopric bore his testimony about service and talked about Uncle Rod. Rod had been this man's family doctor. He shared how Rod was always available to answer questions or examine or comfort this man and his family members. He shared that long after Rod had retired he still would follow up and give sought after advice. The counselor was so impressed by the Christ-like love and compassion Uncle Rod had shown his family. It was just another reminder to me of the legacy of love demonstrated in our family. I have been a recipient of that love and hope never to do anything to tarnish that legacy.

Lastly, Uncle Rod's death has given me the opportunity to reflect on my hope and belief in the Plan of Salvation. I feel great comfort in knowing that our family has been sealed by those with authority and that if I live according to my covenants I will be with them for eternity. That is such a comfort. I know that I will see Uncle Rod again and though I am sad to be parted from him now, I know he has been reunited with those he loves that have already passed. I am so grateful for the testimony of Jesus Christ's gospel that I have and know that so much of it has been gained from the example of my family, including Uncle Rod and Aunt Louise. How blessed I am to have this peace.

New Calling

2008-11-10T08:53:00.001-08:00

I was called to serve on the Mid-Singles Activities Committee. I'm actually really excited about this particular calling. I hope it will give me the opportunity to get to know people from all over the area and get the inside scoop on all fun things. Of course those are selfish reasons on my part but I'm also looking forward to seeking out and finding ways to include those who are less inclined to participate and contribute to the inviting environment that I have so enjoyed the past month I've been here. I was lucky to have an "in" because of Ty. I know most people don't enjoy the easy transition I have had. Hopefully, I'll be able to help others feel more welcome and ease their way into a circle of friends.

And yes, I still feel icky but thanks to my own personal physician (Ty) and pharmacist (my new friend Jen) I now have drugs to help me feel as good as can be expected. Thankfully I get to work from home today. One more day to rest and recover.

2008-11-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

This past week has been less than fun as I have been down and out and totally pathetic with sickness. I'm not a very good sick patient. I'm very complainy. It started out about 10 days ago with some nausea. By Friday I was very nauseous and tired and having trouble with food. So bad my boss sent me home from work - much to my dismay. Over the course of the next few days I became more and more afraid of food, more and more nauseous, and had loads of very uncomfortable stomach pain. By Monday I was down to white food only and even that made me nervous. Also, extremely tired. So I went to work on Tuesday, EKG class, which was okay but not great. Wednesday I just couldn't make it. So I went to the doctor/Physician Assistant who told me I had gastritis and probably gallstones. Seriously. So for those of you who don't know, gastritis is inflammation of the stomach lining. We believe mine was caused by the copious amounts of NSAIDS I've been taking all my life. So the bad news is, no NSAIDS for me ever again. NSAIDS being Tylenol, ibuprofen, naproxen, etc. The good news is, I didn't have a GI bleed. So anyway, I keep thinking I should feel better soon and but I don't so I'm whiny.

A couple of my friends just called and invited me to go to a masquerade party tonight. Maybe if I lay low all day I can swing it.

Oh, and the weather here is incredible. It's been sunny and beautiful and cool and crisp and the trees are various shades of red and yellow and orange. Love it. I'll take pictures one of these days... Maybe when I feel better.

2008-10-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

Did you know it takes 200x the force of gravity to break the forehead bone (supraorbital rim)? Yes, this is what I'm learning. Mom brought to my attention last night that many of you may not know what my fellowship is or what I'm doing. In nursing school we are taught to think like nurses. We learn how to assess and determine what course we think a patient might take and what might be needed to stabilize and improve the condition of the patient. At least that's what I think we were supposed to learn. They also teach us how to do procedures like start an IV, draw blood, insert catheters and NG tubes, how to give various types of meds, etc. But mostly we're taught how to think. So all new grads, when they start working in the hospital get some form of orientation to the unit and are taught how to be a nurse. Some orientations are relatively short, others are much longer. For example, a general medical-surgical unit might orient for 12 weeks whereas an ER might orient for 6 months and an OR might orient for a year. As I am in the ER, I orient for 6 months. So between now and December I will have class for 8 hours a week, online class for 8-16 hours a week, and clinical training for the remaining hours. In a few weeks I will be assigned a preceptor. I will work that preceptor's schedule and during that time will be required to pass off a number of skills. My whole orientation should be complete in April and then I will be responsible for taking my own patients. That whole program is called a fellowship. There are 12 of us, all girls, that all started together. Because of the size of our group we are usually divided up for our clinical days. I really enjoy my group. I think I have found "my people". We are all slightly irreverent and find humor in things others would be horrified or at least nauseated by. We can talk about secretions at lunch and nobody gags or loses their appetite. Apparently most ER nurses have a similar sense of humor. Last weekend I worked my first night shift. I actually did far better at night than I do most days. The interesting/funny thing was, at some point, everyone got a little punch drunk. It was perfectly okay to be giggly or to call your co-worker the "Purple Power Ranger" (one of the techs nicknamed me due to my purple scrubs). I loved it and had the perfect excuse to sleep all day.

As for the social life. I am making friends and have already found a few people that I really enjoy. Last night I went with the ward to the Children's Hospital to play with the kids. There were 20+ of us and about 5 of them. My table, who included family favorite Mike Hill, played with playdough. Afterward 9 of us went to a diner called, no kidding, "The Diner" in DC. The food was fantastic and it reminded me of the diners you see in TV sitcoms. Sunday night I attended an Apple Fest - featuring treats made with apples. Saturday was a quiet day and then a friend came over to watch a movie. Tomorrow I'm going to a Halloween dinner and Saturday night is Fall Festivis (everyone prepares a dish using an ingredient they've never used before). Overall, I love it here. I miss my family tremendously but know I'm right where I need to be.

Since then...

2008-10-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

Oct. 3: Date night at the DC Temple with Ty then birthday party for unknown girl. Met loads of new people. Mostly a blur.
Oct. 4: General Conference at Ty's house. Fajitas between sessions then a quiet night of unpacking at home.
Oct. 5: General Conference at Ty's and a Crepe Party. Met loads of new people.
Oct. 6: 1st day at Inova!!!! Spent the day in the classroom learning about how fantastic working for Inova is. After work, FHE. A member of my ward spoke about the economic crisis. He works for the Treasury Dept and was instrumental in writing and proposing the package passed by congress. Yes, he is single, very smart, and seriously cute. Oh, and met new people...
Oct. 7: Institute: we're studying Jesus the Christ. Delightful.
Oct. 7-10: Orientation at work.
Oct. 10: Pick up car, which arrived significantly later than planned but arrived no the less.
Oct. 11: Crabbing in Chesapeake Bay, MA. Absolutely beautiful and so nice to be outside and near the water. Enjoy the photos. Met new people... After a day in the sun we went back to Ty's house for dinner and the BYU game. Again, met new people...
Oct. 12: Dinner at the Utah St. Girls house. After dinner we played games.

Week of Oct. 13...
I started working in the Emergency Dept (ED) this week. The ED has been experiencing a large number of mislabeled specimens going to the lab. This is a safety issue. So my fellow fellows and I have been stationed at the tube system charged with the task of checking every specimen before it goes to the lab. We also get to observe 10 blood draws per day. So fun. Not really. It's very, very boring. However, I try to remember I am actually getting paid to sit and chat with people as they bring their specimens. Plus, we get loads of sympathy. Today I was "rescued" by one particularly kind nurse. She asked me to help her transport her patient up to the ICU. Her patient with c. diff. If you don't know what that is, it's a highly infective intestinal infection that gives its victims horrible diarrhea. Ahh, lovely. But at least I got away from the tube system for a while.

So now I get to stay up late so I can start prepping to work all night on Friday night. I'm currently watching the Presidential Debate. Are these guys actually saying anything?

Enjoy the crabbing photos...

As Promised...

2008-10-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

Photos of the family. I miss you all!!!

The move...

2008-09-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

I was planning on extending my CA visit to Wednesday before heading to VA, but come to find out, I have to have my pre-employment physical done on Wednesday so I flew out to VA today. When I arrive at the rental car place to pick up my car (who knows when mine will actually arrive) it's softly raining. When I finish my paperwork and walk outside it's softly raining. When I arrive at my car (50 feet away) it's a torrential downpour. I'm soaked through by the time I finish putting my luggage in the car. So I bust out my new GPS and map it for home. About 5 minutes later the battery dies. So I'm on some freeway, somewhere near Dulles airport, in a downpour, with no directions. And no pen. So I pull over and scramble to the trunk (confident I will be run over by an 18 wheeler) to try to find a pen in my luggage. Once located I called my friend who directed me home and invited me to come watch him play basketball. Ohhh, fun. But I'm a sucker for socializing so I did. He arrived 30 minutes later than I expected so I sat on the stage with a bunch of sweating guys I didn't know. I'm pretty sure they thought I was some kind of stalker freak/desperate social retard. Seriously, who goes and watches church basketball on Tuesday night?! It was pretty funny and I was very happy when he finally showed up and demonstrated that I was not quite as big a loser as they may have thought.

So tomorrow I start unpacking. I have way more stuff than I realized but I think I have enough space for it all. My roommates seem really nice - they've done so much to make this move manageable for me. I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

P.S. Last night my family had a combined Family Home Evening at Dave & Crissie's house. It was so much fun and I loved watching my nieces and nephews participate in learning the gospel. Listening to them sing "I am a Child of God" about made my heart burst. I hope they take the message to heart and always remember who they are and how much they are loved, both by their Heavenly Father and their earthly family. I don't know if there is anything I wouldn't do for those kids. I miss them dearly when I'm not there and leaving is always painful. On the happy side, I took a ton of pictures, some sweet ones and some funny ones. I'll post them soon so come back and check...

Leaving CA...

2008-09-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

I had a bit of a breakdown on Friday night. I just wasn't ready to start my new adventure in VA. I wanted to stay in CA, visit with my family, read, go to the river, and just relax after the stress of graduating, planning the move, studying for and taking the NCLEX, and then fixing my disastrously botched move. I just needed a break. So I changed my flight to go on Wednesday. Today I called to reschedule my physical (required before I start working next week) and they said, "oh no, if you don't come in on Wednesday we'll have to reschedule your start date." Such is my life. So after some scrambling I managed to get on a flight for Tuesday. Yea for me. So today will be a whirlwind of packing and highlighting my hair. Yes, I started highlighting my hair last winter and while I love having my bright blond hair back it makes me a bit sick to have to dye it.

Other than that, last week I took the three nephews on our "date". My favorite activities when I visit are my dates with the little boys. I usually take J&J out together and C out by himself. In the past we've gone to movies and Chuck E. Cheese (my favorite). So this time I really wanted to take them to the climbing gym and introduce them to my favorite sport but they wanted to go bowling. Bowling. Yes. Okay. I picked J up from school then the other J. Little J started preschool this year and loves it! He was so excited when he came out - he's going on a field trip to the pumpkin patch and just HAD to call his mom to tell her all about it. Darling. We jumped on the freeway and headed for Livermore to get C. About 10 minutes later Little J asked if we could go home. I said we were on our way to get C and then to go bowling. He said, in his little 4 year old voice, "but I have to go pee-pee and I can't hold it." Panic. So we got off at the nearest McDonald's. Whew. We picked up C and headed for the bowling alley. When we got there Big J promptly (though accidentally) slammed Little J's fingers in the car door. I hear this little voice, "open the door... open the door... open the door." I think I was more freaked out about it than he was. He was not about to go home and since his fingers weren't broken... So we bowled and played video games and got bouncy balls and were generally loud and crazy. Then headed over to McDonald's for dinner and more playing. We were all disappointed to go home. The boys were so cute and so good. I think I heard more giggles over pee pee and underwear than a gaggle of 12 year old girls could produce. I tried not to encourage it but it was pretty funny. I just love those boys. They are so delightful and loving. I miss them so much when I'm not around!

2008-09-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

I AM AN RN! Couldn't have done it without the love and support of my family and friends. Thank you!

Good boys become good men...

2008-09-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

I'm babysitting my darling nephews and tonight the oldest (age 6) said the bedtime prayer, "Please bless me to grow up, and go on a mission, and get married in the temple, and be good."

2008-09-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks I've been studying for the NCLEX. The NCLEX is the national licensing exam for nurses and it sucks. My life is very, very boring. I stare at a women in a 1"x1" box on my computer as she talks about all things nursing. Then I take practice test after practice test. Kaplan recommends taking 1200 questions before taking the exam. I'm at 900. Now, I don't spend the whole day studying, I have found many ways to procrastinate. Namely, Crewe and Dayne. Sadly, they're in UT now so I have no excuse. I am feeling confident about the test but I also know that I have to be over-prepared or I will freak out and panic. I take the test on Tuesday (so special prayers this week and if you feel the need to fast... well, spiritual blessings will never be discouraged ;)

Oh, and my stuff is being picked up in Tucson today between 2 and 4pm to begin its trek to VA. I leave a week from Saturday.

More Glider Flying...

2008-09-09T12:04:00.001-07:00

Sunday, before leaving Tucson, I had one last flight with Jeff. Still amazing. We got up to 10,000 feet - and I contributed several thousand of those feet. I thoroughly enjoyed the flight - even the part where I threw up all over my self. Yes, it was pathetic but I felt great afterward, good enough that we did some dives and high speed turning. Falling is far more comfortable than Gs (in my opinion), and more fun. Again I had a great time and, even with the nausea/vomiting, would go again in a heartbeat. There are ways to overcome air sickness. Few things beat the feeling of flying. Thanks Jeff!

10,000+ feet

Another glider we were flying with

So my aim wasn't the best for this picture

Me, pre-airsick

I can hardly believe Jeff was willing to touch me at that point!

Gliders

2008-09-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

Glider flying with Jeff...

Gliders waiting to be towed into the air

Me... waiting to take-off

Being towed

Jeff with his glider

I absolutely loved glider flying. Got a bit nauseous but, apparently, that's to be expected. We were up for just over 30 min., did some circling and some soaring, and Jeff let me fly. That's my favorite part. We're going again before I leave. Amazing...

Officially moving...

2008-08-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

I scheduled the movers today. I decided it was silly for my to go home then come back to Tucson just to take the NCLEX so the movers are coming on Friday and I'm going home until it's time to go to VA. I'm having a bit of a hard time with the idea of leaving Tucson and all my friends. I've actually found some great girlfriends here and am sad to leave them, especially with such short notice. I suppose I'll miss a few things about Tucson.

Things I'll actually miss...
1. Thunder storms
2. Lightening
3. Drenching rain
4. Warm winters
5. Driving through big puddles
6. Keri, Dana, Marni, Elizabeth, Emily, Lisa, Chrissy, and Diana - others as well but especially these girls
7. Knowing where I'm going (geographically)because of all of the easy to see landmarks
8. The DeGeer's
9. Knowing Cafe Rio and Nielson's Custard is only 2 hours away
10. Social laziness
11. The security of an instructor and a nurse following my every move
12. Caesar salads from Greek Patio
13. Making fun of Tucson and having other people get it
14. Having my own bathroom
15. Being in the same time zone as my family, at least half the year

2008-08-19T22:24:00.000-07:00

As promised... photos of my graduation. Life since hasn't been terribly exciting, just sleeping and reading (Breaking Dawn!!!!). I started studying for the NCLEX today so life is going to be boring for a while.

I made it!

2008-08-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

I finally graduated yesterday! YEA for me! And last night I slept well for the first time in, well, years. Ahhh, lovely. I'll post pictures soon. I promise...

Complete!

2008-08-12T21:12:00.000-07:00

I FINISHED NURSING SCHOOL TODAY!!!! Graduation is at 2pm on Thursday then study, study, study for the NCLEX. Of course, there will be that trip home and a weekend trip to the Grand Canyon, and a move...

It's my party...

2008-07-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

I got 4 offers from my 5 interviews. I'm still deciding between two of them. My second choice hospital may help me out with my student loan so I have to take that into consideration. Once I hear from them, how much they can give me, I'll make my final decision.

In the meantime, I am back in Tucson finishing up my last semester of school. My current rotation is on a cardiac step-down unit, which means all of the patients are there for some cardiac condition and are on cardiac monitors. It also means I'm working 3-12 hour shifts a week. Not a big deal except they're Monday-Wednesday. Wednesday night I was tired. Thursday I thought I was going to die. It's now Saturday and I'm beginning to feel human again.

My first two days were uneventful. I had a really lovely gentleman and a psychiatric patient who kept trying to eat the fingerstick needles, however, Wednesday I had a very loving patient. My first encounter with his lovingness was when he needed a procedure so I held his hand. No big deal. Later that day I went to give him meds and he asked for a hug. Ok, still within my comfort level, I tried to do the one armed hug thing and he tried to kiss my neck!!! So the next time I went in he got out of bed and trapped me between the bed and the wall (blocking my exit to the door), and tried to kiss me!!!!! AAGGGHHHH! I, of course, pushed him away and told him that was not appropriate and then tried to avoid going into his room alone for the rest of the day. I would have tried to avoid him altogether but they tend to frown on abandonment. So lessons learned, never let a patient block your exit and I seriously need a boyfriend if the only action I'm getting is from my patients (which is against the law if I'm not mistaken, at least unethical and besides, he was not the patient I would want to be getting action from!).

Yesterday was my birthday and it was lovely. I baked my own birthday cake and planned my own party, which I know is funny but I got exactly what I wanted. My friends and I met at one of my very favorite restaurants, Oregano's for dinner. The wait was 2 - 2 1/2 hours and there was a wild monsoon brewing outside so it was hot, humid, and crowded inside. We decided to go with plan D and got our meals to go and headed back to my apartment. We ate and talked and laughed and I loved it. My friend Emily, who just moved to Phoenix from CA, came down and spent the night so we went to The Good Egg for a yummy breakfast, did some shopping, and went to see Mama Mia. Mama Mia was cute but not nearly as wonderful as the play. Then out to lunch and, sadly, she had to head home. It was a seriously wonderful birthday and I may not need to eat again for several days. I also loved hearing from so many of my friends and family members... I love you all. You have no idea how much strength I gain from my family and friends. I have learned so much from all of you and I miss you!

Graduation is in 19 days and my parents are coming out. I can't wait!

Interviewing...

2008-07-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

My first choice hospital is a level 1 trauma center in Fairfax, VA. It is an amazing ER, they train new grads in trauma (unheard of), have computers in every room for easy charting, and it's HUGE! I was giddy just walking through. The only concern, my friend is a doctor there. I have been nervous about this as we've never worked together and it could be a new challenge for us. It's a bit like moving in with your best friend. She may be your best friend but may not be the best roommate. After seeing how large the ER was my concerns were appeased. And then the question...

Interviewer (I): "What does Dr. X say about doctors and nurses and working together?"
Me: "Well, we've been friends for a long time and while we've never worked together we've planned lots of activities together and we get along well. I think if we ever have a problem we'll work it out."
I: Blank stare.
I: Giggles.
I: "I meant, what does he think of the nurses on the unit?"
Me: "Oh. (embarrassed laughter) Why didn't you stop me?"
I: "You were on a roll. And it was funny."
Me & I: laughter...

At the conclusion of the interview she walked me out of the hospital, almost to the parking garage, and told me I could have the last spot in the October orientation. Come to find out later (from Dr. X) that she created a spot for me. I'm really excited to work with this women. I haven't enjoyed an interview that much...ever. The HR recruiter called today to officially extend an offer.

Guess I'm moving to VA.

P.S. In two days I interviewed at 4 hospitals in 5 units (3 ERs, 2 NICUs). I expect to hear from the rest of them sometime this week.

The Rundown...

2008-07-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

May: Finished my 3rd semester of nursing school

May 12-22 Went to London and Paris

May 22-June 7 Hung out with the family and my friend Jennie in CA and researched hospitals in Virginia

June 9-current Started my 4th and final semester of nursing school (wanted to stab myself in the eye everyday), went home for my grandparents 70th wedding anniversary, secured 5 interviews in VA - scheduled a trip for July, reconnected with the DeGeer family, spoke in Sacrament meeting and taught Relief Society on the same day.

Ugg

2008-05-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, okay 7 months ago, I went to my regular appointment with my allergist and he did his regular check-up.
MD: "Julie, is your heart rate always this fast?".
J: "I don't know."
MD: "Let's recheck it. Still 115." "You take it."
J: "111."
MD: "Have you had problems with your heart?"
J: "Some palpitations from time to time but no, not really."
MD: "I'd like you to get an EKG. Every time you come in here you heart rate is well over 100."
J: (To self) That's just because you're hot.

So I went home and called the doctor he recommended to try and schedule an EKG. I couldn't get an EKG without a new patient appointment and the nurse said they wouldn't take me without one and to go to the ER. Not dying here. Not going to the ER. So I ignored it. Figured it was the allergy and asthma meds.

I'm no longer taking the allergy and asthma meds that would make my heart race/palpitate/etc. so when it didn't stop I thought maybe I should get that EKG. So I went to my current provider, with a different concern - I really just wanted sleeping pills for my plane trip to England, and brought it up.

So now I'm sitting here with a Holter monitor on. A Holter monitor monitors the electrical activity of the heart (EKG) for whatever time period it's set for. Mine is for 24 hours. It sucks. I have EKG leads stuck to my chest and TAPED on with tape that is visibly irritating my skin (and just plain irritating me), I can't swim, I can't shower/bathe/get wet and my heart hasn't done anything weird so far. Which means this will have been a tremendous waste of time, money, and my skin. Maybe it'll act up tomorrow. So here's the lesson, never mention a heart problem unless you think you're going to die imminently. Wait, if you think you have a heart problem you should probably see a doctor but if they hook you up to a Holter, call me and we'll commiserate.

New Love

2008-05-02T21:54:00.000-07:00

My surgeon told me I should swim. My trainer told me I should swim. My massage lady told me I should swim. But I saw the sorority sisters heading to the pool in their skimpy bikinis and I thought, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" That was until yesterday. After wearing my swimsuit in front of 700 some odd LDS single adults in HB the rec center pool didn't seem so intimidating. That and my friend Fabio said he goes every night and said I should come with him and he swims at night. So last night I went. AND I LOVED IT! I promised myself I would swim for 20 minutes and the first 10 were painful but then I got into a rhythm and when 20 minutes had gone by I wasn't ready to go. But I didn't want to over do it on the first night and never want to go again so I stopped. I looked forward to swimming all day today. We were originally planning on going at 6 but Fabio had to work late so I gave up a ward activity to go swimming at 8:30. I swam for 30 minutes tonight and would have loved to keep going but the pool closes at 9. Ahh, can't wait until tomorrow.

The latest

2008-05-02T12:46:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been busy and I've been having a great time! My roommate Keri and I hosted a game night for our ward. We had a good turn out and enjoyed Sing Star, Guitar Hero, a host of other games. Then last weekend we went to the Huntington Beach Single Adult Conference and then Wednesday I was inducted into Sigma Theta Tau, the honor and research society for nurses.

Enjoy the photos!

Game Night

2008-05-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

Shauna and I playing Sing Star

Keri and Jeff

Fabio

Huntington Beach Single Adult Conference

2008-05-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

Friday: We arrived in HB and went to the opening mixer. Keri was talking to a friend when she looked up and saw a guy that looked really familiar.
Keri to her friend: Ask that guy his name...
Keri's friend: No way. You ask him.
Keri: I think that's Julie's friend Tyler
Keri to Ty: What's your name?
Ty: Tyler.
Keri: Tyler, what?
Ty: ....
Keri: Do you know Julie ...?
Ty: Yes! She's one of my favorite people!
Keri: She's my roommate!
Ty: Calls me...

Saturday: We all met at the stake center for a morning devotional, lunch, and then off to the beach for volleyball. Afterward, Keri and I combined our friends and went to dinner then to the church for mingling and dancing.

Keri and I at dinner

Ty and I plus a couple of his friends and Keri and her San Diego friends

Marcello, Emily, and Tyler

Me and Tyler

Sunday: We met at the church for a two hour sacrament meeting. Really good talks about getting married and making commitments. Blah, blah, blah. Afterward we had lunch, where I dropped strawberries on my shirt and an ice cream sandwich down my shirt! After lunch they had a musical fireside which we left half way through. We were all very tired so sitting and listening to soothing music was impossible. So Ty, Keri, Dave (a new friend from the conference), and I left and headed to Long Beach. Once in Long Beach we visited the Queen Mary - little creepy in my opinion - then dropped off Ty - he had to get up early to study for his last board exam - and heading to Sgt. Pepper's Dueling Pianos. This place was really fun! It's a bar but they have two pianos and the musicians take requests and duel on the two pianos. It's like a live band and kareoke combined!

Keri, Me, and Ty and a really cool phone booth on the Queen Mary in Long Beach

Sgt. Peppers Dueling Pianos - they were playing my song

Keri and Dave at Sgt. Peppers - the sign says you might experience hearing loss.

Monday: Sunday I ran into one of Bree's old roommates, Julie. So we (Keri, Julie, I) met up for breakfast at the Sugar Shack then went down to the beach.

Keri and I at Huntington Beach

Sigma Theta Tau

2008-05-02T12:28:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night I was inducted into Sigma Theta Tau, the honor and research society for nurses. The only take the top 10% (I think) of each class. My favorite nursing friends Elizabeth and Chrissy were also invited.

Elizabeth, Me, Amber (from my program)

Signing the book

Inductees from my class. On of my favorite instructors, Nita was also inducted. Dr. Cherry (my clinical instructor) is the 3rd from the right.

Elizabeth, Me, Chrissy with our Certificates

Random Pictures from Tucson Activities

2008-04-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

Risa stopped to visit on her way from TX to Vegas . I showed her (and Keri as she had just moved here) the prettiest place I found in Tucson thus far - Windy Point on Mt. Lemmon.

Karen came to visit the next weekend so I took her to Mt. Lemmon too.

Fabio (flying) and Trevor attempting Superman as grown men. Rather humorous for us, not so much the downstairs neighbors.

Keri and I with our new bikes. No bikes locks so we had to keep them inside for a while besides I wanted to play with the timer on my camera.

Thursdays

2008-04-10T22:39:00.000-07:00

I love Thursdays. I always secretly have. Unlike Friday, there is no expectation that you will go out or Saturday when you feel compelled to do chores. Thursday is all about anticipation. On Thursday you always think, "Yea, tomorrow is Friday and the weekend! I can survive this heinous week!"

Then nursing school struck and even surviving through Friday from the distance of Thursday seemed impossible.

But then Vulnerable Populations happened. I don't want to curse myself but since completing the killer classroom portion of this semester in early February and then panicking and finishing all my assignments early (yes, I am a complete nerd and that is why I am in two (2) honor societies) I seem to have lots of free time.

It's very strange.

I've read several novels (mostly mindless, just in case I need the brain power elsewhere), have begun attending church activities, have invited people over, played Guitar Hero on school nights, have pondered what hobbies I used to enjoy and might want to pick up again but probably shouldn't because I have no money, and most shockingly, have gone days without reading anything even remotely nursing related. All this makes me nervous. Of course without real stress I must invent some. So I wonder, should I start studying for the NCLEX or go back to my novel. At least for tonight the novel wins.

Oh, don't worry, I'm still working hard and loving the work. Had a delightful patient today. She's in her 90's and still cruisin'. Reminded me of Grandparents. I had almost complete responsibility for her - my nurse was busy making sure one of her other patients didn't escape - so I felt like a real nurse. Especially when I figured out I needed to unclamp the IV before trying to flush it and that abdominal pain of unknown origin is sometimes just gas. It's good to feel like a complete idiot at least once a day. I generally shoot for twice. Yea, I definitely love this.

Bad, bad blogger

2008-04-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

I always make these promises to myself that I will blog, I will email, I will call and then I get home from clinical and, well, I move into a comatose state that lasts until bedtime.

So what have I been up to?

I went home over Spring Break (which is a wonderful thing for all my fellow BYUers that never got one). I spent most of my time with my fabulous nephews and niece (sadly Rebecca was in TX). I jumped on a trampoline. Yes, that was an event. Remember the knee surgery - I'm scared to run across the street much less jump on a tramp. Good thing I love my nephews so much! It was great fun. I fell in love with Guitar Hero and Rock Band. It was a great vacation.

I got home and jumped back into clinical. I was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), which I loved but I just don't think it has all the action I'm looking for and I would have to work nights indefinitely. So I'm still set on the ER. I spent a day in the Children's ER last week and really enjoyed that so maybe that will be an option. I started an IV on a kid - super scary! I thought I was keeping my visible panic in check but then the mom asked me, "Are you nervous?". If I wasn't before I am now!!!

Now I'm in my Multi-system Failure rotation so I'll go from ICU to CCU to Cardiac Step-down to ER. I've had some time in the ICU now and let me just say, for the record, if anyone ever does that to me I will haunt you forever!! We can do some pretty impressive things to keep people alive but I wonder, should we? Some of the patients I've seen, let's just say I wrote a whole rant about it but just deleted it due to confidentiality but there are some major ethical issues going on. I don't think the ICU is going to be the place for me. Too many opportunities to tell people what I really think. Oh, and if I'm going to tell people what to do - get an advanced directive or a living will and a medical power of attorney (please note, if you're concerned about mental illness you need a separate document naming a mental health power of attorney). Document what you want so your neurotic, grief-stricken family doesn't have to make those choices for you. And please, for crying out loud, see a doctor once in a while. Not seeing one doesn't make the problem go away it just makes it less solvable. OK, I think I'm done ranting.

It is a pretty exciting place though. I got to practice some exciting skills and, I AM A ROCK STAR! I do love my job.

I'd write about my social life but there isn't much to report. I got a PlayStation 2 so we've had people over to hang out and play. I've been making an effort to get to know people in this ward and while my first impressions were a little disappointing, I'm finding some great people. This weekend, hopefully, I'm going flying with a friend. I wonder if he'll let me fly the plane. I have had one lesson. Later this month I'm going to the single adult conference in Huntington Beach. I'm trying to keep an open mind but I'm preparing myself to find the humor in it. I promise to report.

That's about all. I have to get to bed - we're practicing mock-codes tomorrow. Yea.

Del Sol: Wickenberg to Scottsdale

2008-03-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

The most incredible weekend ever. What could be better than a race, a road trip, and camping trip with my best friend all in one weekend. No worries, we only slept about 3 hours so I got to enjoy every possible minute I had with my friends in AZ. Van 1 was captained by my old roommate Theresa and included her siblings Annie and Daniel, Daniel's friend Sterling and friends from our former ward Paige and Natalie. My van included me (as the Team Captain, Honorary Gimp, Race Coordinator), my friend from my Salt Lake days Ryan, my BYU roommate Karen, friends from CA Kristin and Andrea, and Carlin a friend from Tucson. I didn't get to run in this one - darn knee - but I'm eager to run in the 2009 Northwest Passage race. I'd write more but right now I'm a bit pooped.

Banner Week

2008-02-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

This week has definitely been a banner week. So many wonderful things have happened!

Sunday: My roommate and I were invited to dinner. Exciting because she enjoys one of the guys in attendance and because the guy who invited us is the coolest guy in our ward. He makes me laugh embarrassingly hard. I always love making new friends.

Monday: I actually made it to Pilates. Now that may not sound exciting to you but it's a pretty big deal to me. By the end of my school day I'm usually ready to curl up in the fetal position, not so much ready to head to the gym. It was a good class - way over my fitness level but I enjoyed it none the less.

Wednesday: Prices came down just enough for my roommate and I to buy tickets to London!!! I've been wanting to go forever and now I'm really going! We'll be going for 10 days in May (during the semester break). I'll keep you posted on that one!

We also invited people from our new ward over for Sunday dinner. Our first dinner party!

Thursday: I passed my skills test which was the last requirement for one of my courses. Clinical begins on Tuesday. The only downer of the week - I got the scariest instructor for my psych rotation. She has a reputation for writing people up for the most ridiculous infractions and one of her students mysteriously wasn't allowed to come back this semester. My whole group is a bit panicky.

Friday: NO SCHOOL! If that were all it would be the most exciting event of the week. My clinical group was required to attend a job fair at TMC so I dragged myself down there and made a beeline for the ER booth. I asked the manager what she thought about starting in the ER straight out of school and she went on about personality and what it's like and being really challenging... I peppered her with questions and finally she leaned over, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "you just don't seem like a med/surg nurse to me." That may be one of the best compliments I've ever received! Shortly thereafter the nurse recruiter asked me to fill out the background check release and while I was doing that she came back over and said, "the Emergency Dept would like to make you an offer..." I have a job when I graduate!! Actually, I have a job now, I can work as a nurse tech (whatever that is) until I get my license. So I don't have to "work my way up" to the ER, I get to start there. I very, very excited about that. I will, of course, inquire about opportunities in CA but if I end up staying in Tucson this is the best job I could hope for.

On top of all that greatness, I had some errands to run and in particular needed to buy a new pair of black heels and I found the perfect pair at Target. Shoes at a reasonable price. Ahhh, the glory of it.

Not a bad week. Not at all.

I love Western Medicine...

2008-02-07T17:32:00.000-08:00

Today we learned about a pain management technique called Therapeutic Touch. It's based on the idea that we all have energy fields around us and when we are ill or experiencing pain there is a disruption in our energy field. Therapeutic Touch is designed to smooth out the energy field and help us heal. I have no problem with that, I believe we do have an energy about us, but since I couldn't "feel" my field one of my classmates volunteered me as a subject. Perfect, I had a headache (like always) and my back hurt (from sitting on a stool for hours on end) so hey, I'm game. So our instructor waved her hands around me and I didn't feel anything - which believe me was not what I was supposed to say. We kept practicing and by the end of class my little headache was a full-blown, I hate the inventor of light and please stop making noise I might vomit, bad headache. Assuming it was a sinus headache I prescribed myself 2 Sudafed and waited. Nothing. Called mom - going to die - Nothing. So I took a couple, okay 4 Ibuprofen and 2 (never take more than 2 at a time if you want to keep your liver) Tylenol and a bowl of Cheerios (never take that many drugs on an empty stomach) and, hey, 30 minutes later I feel fantastic. Might even be ready to tackle my neuro assignment. So while I think this "natural" stuff is lovely and makes my heart warm, when I hurt - give me the good stuff.

Oh, and the good news is... I will be spending my Vulnerable Populations rotation in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). I can't wait.

2008-01-31T16:55:00.000-08:00

I've been running like a crazy women since coming back to Tucson. My old roommate Risa was here when I got back and was able to stay a day. We went exploring up on Mt. Lemmon and ate at my favorite restaurant Oregano's. I started school a few days later and it's been INSANE! School is always crazy but this semester we fit an entire semester worth of didatic into two weeks. That's everything you ever wanted (or didn't want) to know about psych and vulnerable populations. Now we're going to spend the next couple of weeks in lab learning how to not kill our critical care patients. Yea. Of course my life is never simple so I couldn't set up my wireless internet and in the process of trying killed my roommate's land line, ran out of printer ink thereby partially printing on 50 pages, crashed Adobe Acrobat and had so many printer issues I want to cry everytime I have to print anything. Oh, and I was sitting in class 8 hours everyday. So my first weekend back Karen came to visit, which I loved, and we went exploring on Mt. Lemmon. One of the Search and Rescue teams was practicing and asked if we'd like to "play" to which we smiled and giggled and then kicked ourselves for not going along with. My new roommate Keri is amazing. I love coming home because she's so pleasant and she goes and does stuff with me and she makes me go work out with her (very good). She kind of balances my tightly wound personality and is literally keeping me sane. I also started my new diet. It sucked the first week but then Keri offered to cook my dinners (and the leftovers I eat for lunch). Keri is in a master's program that's mostly online and hasn't found a job yet so she gets very, very bored. And she loves to cook. So good for me. I do the dishes, take out the trash and anything I can possibly think of to keep her happy. My diet is going really well - 10 pounds down today! That turns out to be about 3.3 pounds a week. I can handle that. Still no guys in Tucson but I registered for the mid-singles conference in Huntington Beach so I'm trying to be optimistic. In Feb Ryan, Karen, Andrea and Kristen are coming out to run in the Ragnar Relay - so excited about that. Even if Ryan has started calling me a "neurotic worrier". I really don't think I was being irrational. Someone in his car wanted to leave after classes (which finished at 3pm) I told him I didn't think it was a good plan to leave that late for a 12 hour drive when he would be up all night the next night and then have to drive back another 12 hours. I could just picture what he would look like in the trauma bay at UMC. Okay, maybe a little neurotic. They're leaving at 9am. I doubt any of that had to do with my concern. I can't wait to see my friends. So, as you can see, my brain is all over the place and slightly chaotic but I'm hanging on and enjoying almost all of it (I'm still scared of my printer).

What's in a name...

2008-01-31T16:46:00.001-08:00

***What Julie Means***

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. I'm pretty sure that's all true.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. Me? Lucky? You've got to be kidding me. Greedy, yes. Lucky, definately not.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. Relaxed??? Chill??? Only when sedated. And even then...

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. Sooo true.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. I like "friendly, charming, and warm." Yes, that's definately me.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

Recipe Challenge

2008-01-15T16:19:00.000-08:00

By way of explanation:

I just began a new diet. It's a pretty rigid diet but I am confident I will be successful with it and the long term benefits will far out-weigh the sacrifices. But I need help. I am required to eat lots of veggies and you all know I'm not the biggest veggie fan. So here's the challenge: please post/email me your favorite veggie recipes and prep tips. There are a few requirements: there are specific veggies I'm supposed to eat so please limit your veggies to those. You may use any spices but no oil of any kind. Vinegar is allowed.

List of approved veggies:

Asparagus
Cabbage
Cauliflower (not broccoli - thank goodness)
Celery
Cucumber
Green Pepper
Lettuce
Mushrooms
Onion
Spinach
Spring onions/Scallions
Tomato (no grape/cherry)
Zucchini
Squash

Recommended Spices:
Black Pepper
Curry (without starch)
Mustard (powder only)
Vinegar
Garlic (YEA!!!)
All Herbs
Cinnamon
Ginger
Cloves
Salt

I promise I will try each recipe. Thanks in advance for your help!

Lazy days

2007-12-21T18:35:00.000-08:00

I am really enjoying my very, very lazy Christmas vacation. I really haven't been doing much of anything, well, I go to PT for my knee then take a nap, have something to eat... that's really about it. I'm determined to actually go do something tomorrow.

The Knee: My knee is healing well. For those who haven't already heard, I wanted to run in the Ragnar Relay race in Feb but thought I should have my knee checked out first. I originally injured my knee wakeboarding and had surgery a few years ago but shortly after that surgery my knee started catching then locking. It wasn't constant so I didn't worry about it. As it turns out a piece of cartilage had broken off the back of my patella (kneecap) and was floating inside my knee. Like an oyster, my body calcified it and by the time it was removed it was about 2 cm long or about the size of your pinkie knuckle. There was also cartilage damage and a "pothole" in my patella from where the piece came off. So the surgeon removed the loose piece and cleaned up the cartilage. The good news is if I don't aggravate it I won't need surgery again. The bad news is, everything but walking, biking and swimming will aggravate it. Eventually I will probably need another surgery to repair the patella but now is not the time. The Ragnar Relay is out of the question - as far as running it goes. My team will still get to run and I will be a driver and, hopefully, a pacer. We're allowed to pace night runners on a bike so my goal is to do that. Sorry for the very long story.

The move: I loved my former apartment but sadly it was far to far away from the hospital I work at (30 min in the AM and I have to be there by 6:30am - and anywhere from 30-90 min in the afternoon). I found a great little complex that's only 8 minutes from work and 5 minutes from school. It's gated and in the only neighborhood in Tucson that even remotely reminds me of home. I was a bit worried about the size (it's small) but I parted with some of my possessions and Dad helped create more storage and I think it will be lovely. I will be rooming with a friend from CA. She's coming out to attend grad school at U of A. I got to spend a few days in the new place before coming home and I think it will be wonderful. I'll post pictures when I get back.

School: I won't brag, but I'm a really good nursing student. I know none of you are surprised (because that's what everyone keeps saying) but frankly, I am. I fully expected to be a B student and I'm not. School can be very challenging at times and sometimes I think I might scream at my instructors but then I work with my patients and I love it. I know the Lord has blessed me tremendously with this goal and I am very grateful. Although sometimes I wonder if the Lord is just trying to protect his poor, defenseless children against beginners like me. Regardless, I love it.

So. Cal Trip: My one roadtrip of the semester was to Anaheim to visit with Bree and Karen, my two roommates from BYU days. We've stayed in touch over the years and they are still my best friends. We celebrated Bree's son's 1st birthday on Saturday with a big family/friend party and then had some time in the evening to catch up. Sunday Bree had some family obligations so Karen and I sneaked away to Disneyland for a day. It was fun but sadly I didn't feel well in the morning and Karen didn't feel well in the evening. Karen actually vomited (sorry) for the first time in something like 20 years. Sad but kind of impressive. Glad I could be there for such a momentous occasion. Crazy enough, I ran into my cousin Spencer while standing in line for Pirates of the Caribbean! He was there with his classmates on choir tour and his mom (my Aunt Debbie) was chaperoning. Sometimes prayers we don't utter are answered in the strangest ways. It was wonderful to visit with Debbie and, as always, she gave much needed support and advice. I often wonder why I get to be so blessed.

Oh yeah and I decided to plan a trip to England when I graduate and (if they have one) go on a LDS single adult cruise. Always have to be planning something... Can't wait!

I only have pictures from Disneyland - I really thought I had more... Enjoy!

2007-12-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a really long time since my last post so here's a quick up-date. In the time since my last post I have been to So. Cal. for Bree's son's 1st birthday and a quick Disneyland trip, a Thanksgiving trip home, finished clinicals, had knee surgery, moved across town, finished finals and came home for Christmas! Been a bit busy. I have some pictures and some commentary but right now I'm enjoying being in my sweats at noon and watching Project Runway so I'll do it later!

2007-11-03T12:39:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I just love Grey's Anatomy.

2007-10-31T21:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all the words of encouragement. As you all know this is not a new trial for me and is not likely to be over any time soon. Many of you have said you don't understand my particular situation but we've all had similar challenges. I appreciate your experience, your prayers and your love. I'm tremendously blessed to have such a loving and supportive family. I miss you all.

2007-10-30T18:41:00.001-07:00

Lest you think my life is all challenges and disappointments I thought I'd give you an update on clinical. I DON'T HAVE CRAZY INTENSE NURSING INSTRUCTOR HOVERING OVER ME AND STRESSING ME OUT FOR THE REST OF THE SEMESTER!!!!!! Wow, that felt good. My clinical group is divided into 2 groups. The first part of the semester I had crazy lady and now I have, worst lecturer in the program but really good clinical instructor. I just took a deep breath. I was assigned to a new grad nurse on Monday (Nazi Instructor flipped out) so I had to get a new patient today - Mellow Instructor didn't make me complete a new write-up. YEA! Somehow I managed to do one anyway - just because I wanted to figure out what was wrong with him but I did it at the hospital not at home. In addition, she doesn't hover (I think I may have mentioned that) and she gives positive feedback. Actually, while observing my assessment she counted respirations for me. I wouldn't have known except I told her I'd have to go back and get them as the patient wouldn't stop talking and I wasn't able to count. She told me not to worry - she counted for me! Besides clinical instructor greatness, the unit I'm in is way more mellow. Not less intense but less chaotic. It makes a huge difference. It's a much smaller unit and the nurses interact with each other more. It just feels like a better environment to me. If I were a patient - it's where I would want to be. I don't think I want to do med-surg but if I do, I want to be on that unit.

So I completed my assignment that's due tomorrow and I'm going to watch Bones and House and eat pinenuts. Not a bad day. Not bad at all.

Where do I belong?

2007-10-29T22:01:00.001-07:00

I've been in Tucson now for about 5 months and have found some friends and even a boy to like. About a week ago I realized that my friends and I are just friends (again) and that I needed to find some people closer to my age and experience. So tonight I went to an FHE group for 30-45 year olds. The guys that were there were all well over 40 and no more socially developed than they were as awkward 20 somethings. Not to say they weren't nice but no real hope either. Now I know I came to Tucson to go to nursing school but I did hope that I would find a social group and, more importantly, someone to date and marry. My hopes are pretty shattered right now. It took about all my fortitude to not stop by Scott's on the way home to plead for a chance. I'm still waiting for him to call. He went from calling 4-5 times/week to 8 days with no calls. Not much hope there either. Sorry to be such a downer but since the only people who read this are those who know and love me - I thought I could be honest about what's really going on in my life.

P.S. I did see Scott at the Halloween Party and was optimistic but since he hasn't called since - well, I'm 30 and not married - so not so optimistic.

Halloween Party

2007-10-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

My friends at the Wilson House (Scott, Chris (& Jaime), Brian and Dan) hosted a Halloween party on Saturday night. I went as a Mormon Go-Go Dancer.

Don't I look "spectacular"?

Never managed to get the hosts all in one picture
Brian, Scott, Dustin (Brian's friend)

Dan

*For some reason it won't let me add anymore pictures. There were TONS of people there, dancing, flirting - it was really fun. Can't wait for the next house party!

To view more photos try:

http://picasaweb.google.com/julieapalmer/
2007HalloweenPartyTheWilsonHouse?authkey=YzBhEfW6Csk

Fun activities of the past few weeks...

2007-10-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

At the corn maze. None of us have any sense of direction and never managed to get out of the entrance. Fun though.

Last week my friends hosted a southern shrimp boil. There was shrimp and crab legs and I ate both. Here's the evidence.

Me eating shrimp

Jaime, Chris and Scott - with the crap legs (yes, I did try the crap legs)

Last Saturday Scott and I went to the desert museum. There are cool animals at the desert museum.

Me and Scott

2007-10-25T23:01:00.001-07:00

Is anyone else unable to upload photos? I've been trying for a couple days now and it keeps giving me error messages.

2007-10-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

To answer Ashley's question from ages ago... An Eegee is like a Slurpy but more icey and way yummier. I was going to take a picture of one but somehow I eat the whole thing before I get my camera out.

The past weeks have been crazy with clinicals. Turns out, I get attached to my patients. It's been pretty hard on me. My last patient was really miserable and there just wasn't much we could do for her. She kept telling me she wanted to die. Do you know how painful it is when you are doing everything you can to help someone and they want to die but it's just not their time yet? It's heartbreaking.

School has been really hard this semester and I've been seriously wondering why I'm doing this to myself. I keep plugging away at it and slowly it's getting done but the joy of it all has definitely been lost. The problem is we can't have an experience without having a huge assignment attached to it. For example, I was in GYN surgery this week - pretty cool - now I have to write a paper about it. I suppose that's what school is all about.

On the other hand, I've been really enjoying my friendship with the guys and Jaime (that's actually how she spells her name). We've done some pretty fun things lately but for some reason blogger won't let me up-load pictures right now so you'll have to check back for the details...

To the Mom's in my life.

2007-10-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

I got this email from someone in my RS. It made me think of my mom and my sisters. Just want you guys to know how much I love you and admire the work you're doing in your homes. Miss you more than you know.

Invisible Woman

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son to
school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street
when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young
fella?"

"Nobody," he shrugged. No body? The crossing guard and I laughed. My
son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my
goodness, nobody?"

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say
something to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and
nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for
the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say
again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been
there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he
was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there
was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when
you are." He just kept right on talking.

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,
the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the
phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't
you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on
the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my
head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of
hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is
it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney
Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum
laude but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to
be seen again.

She's going¸ she's going¸ she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return
of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a
fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she
stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put
together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for
myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only
thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in
a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter
in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with
a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly
sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To
Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are
building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after
which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of
their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never
see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the
eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit
the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving
a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the
man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a
beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And
the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I
see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you
does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no
cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.
You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what
it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of
my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder.
As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see
finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The
writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could
ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people
willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend
he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at
4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a
turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table."
That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just
want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more
to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if
we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the
world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty
that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible
women.

~~Author Unknown

2007-10-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

So walking back from the mailbox just now I thought, "self, this is a truly beautiful night. The air is clear and just a little crisp and the perfect temperature. And oh, how lovely, I'm going to walk across this nice, freshly mowed, freshly sprinklered grass. ACK! This grass is like walking on slippery astro-turf!!!". And so it goes in Tucson.

While listening to conference I decided to follow the council of Pres. Eyring and write down what the Lord has done for me today.
1. I didn't finish researching all 25 of my patients meds (21 of which I'm not allowed to give anyway) and my teacher didn't ask to see them. I'm hoping this blessing continues on for the remainder of the week.
2. My patient didn't need to have his colostomy bag cleaned. I'm guessing my luck won't hold on that one tomorrow.
3. I didn't stab anyone, including myself with a pen, fork or any other pointy object. While this sounds a bit silly it's been very tempting lately. Especially my professors.
4. I really like the new Eegee flavor. I really have to take joy in the simple things.

Sad

2007-10-07T12:18:00.001-07:00

My pepper grinder died today. It made a mess all over my plate and the counter and the floor.

Ahh, not hot

2007-10-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first night, since moving to Tucson, that I wasn't hot. I actually got to sleep under both my sheet and blanket in my silky pajamas! I even slept with my window open! Oh happy night!!!

Peds +

2007-10-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy - I'm watching Bones. My very favorite show. I missed the season premiere last week - I'm sure that's why it was such a crappy week - except for all the other crappy things that happened.

So for this week. Scott and I went up to Mt. Lemmon on Sunday night - no, we're not dating - this is me we're talking about! But it was certainly nice to get out of the city.

The past weeks have brought me to a very disturbing conclusion, I think I may be destined for peds. I spent the past two weeks in a peds clinic and an elementary school. I actually really like the kiddos and I kind of think they like me. I'm sure this is no surprise to most of you but working with kids is not all popsicles and stickers. I'm worried about working with crazy parents, sending kids home with crazy parents and teenagers but I wonder if the potential for good outweighs the frustration. No decisions yet just some ideas. But so you can get an idea of what I have been doing during my rotation I'm posting my peds journals. Enjoy.

Overall Activities:

In the morning I discussed my goals with the nurse and we agreed I would focus on intake assessments. I was able to complete assessments, including rooming and documentation, on three infants and two children. Of the five children I assessed, two were in the clinic due to illness. All but one of my patients spoke English. My Spanish speaking patient brought her sister to translate. I felt comfortable obtaining histories – with my older patients (ages 9 and 12) I spoke directly to the patients and then asked the parent if I needed more information or clarification. I did feel awkward asking about domestic violence but I’m sure I’ll be more confident with practice. One patient had a suspicious story which I noted and then discussed with the physician. The parents and patients I worked with today were cooperative and, except for the patient cited above, forthcoming with needed information and were patient with me. I observed one of the residents unpack, assess, clean and repack a MRSA abscess. I gave two immunization injections and performed a genetic disease blood test.

Personal Reactions/Issues/Concerns:

I got off to a slow start – I don’t think I was clear enough the nurse I was working with regarding my goals and what I could do. While I didn’t perform much patient care in the beginning of the day I did get a better idea of the paperwork and organization involved in running a clinic. Once I clarified my goals I was given more opportunities to participate in patient care. I learned today that at times I will have to speak up more when I want learning opportunities.

Overall Activities:

We didn’t have very many patients in the morning so I shadowed the nurse as she went through her morning routine and performed intake assessments as patients came in. In the afternoon we had three extra doctors in for their private patients so I was busy doing intake assessments and documentation. I didn’t get a chance to learn the vision and hearing tests as the one patient that needed it was sent home before I was given the chance.

Personal Reactions/Issues/Concerns:

I enjoyed the people that I got to work with and the patients, however, I found clinic work to be slow and repetitive. It seemed to me the RNs mostly do paperwork and intake assessments but besides that have little patient contact. There weren’t many opportunities to do procedures as they aren’t normally done in the clinic and shots/immunizations/etc are given by a CNA (who wasn’t allowed to supervise me). It was interesting to see the difference between a clinic setting and a hospital setting but I think, for now, a clinic is too slow and limited for me.

Overall Activities:

The plan was for me to do hearing and vision screening for the majority of the day; however, so many children came in sick today that I ended up working with nurse. I was able to do evaluations of fevers, sore throats, scrapes, stomachaches, headaches, asthma and a few minor head injuries (I was very excited to use my penlight!). I sent a few kids home with fevers and sore throats. I even got to help clean up a couple of “spills” and “accidents”. I did learn how to do a hearing test – and the child we practiced on failed his hearing test in his left ear. I was able to look into his ear with the otoscope – very cool. He was sent home to have x-rays of his wrist (his chief complaint) and to see his pediatrician about his hearing. After talking to the nurse about my peds project I decided to focus on one of the children with asthma. The nurse told me there has been an increase in the number of children with asthma so I thought it would be good to research and teach on (besides, maybe I’ll learn more about how to treat my own symptoms).

Personal Reactions/Issues/Concerns:

The children that came in were really sweet. I enjoyed working with them. It took me a little while to warm up to them but after observing Dr. Chapman’s interaction I was more comfortable and better at getting them to talk to me. By the end of the day I was able to care for children on my own while the nurse was working with others (of course she always checked my evaluations). I thought the nurse was good at her job, needed more help and a better organization system. The kids really love her though and it’s obvious how much she cares for them.

Overall Activities:

This morning I helped with the children that came in sick – lots of scrapes, bruises and bumps. Midmorning I started on vision and hearing exams. One of the children (kindergarten age) I tested was undiagnosed color blind, which was interesting. What he saw and what I saw were completely different. I tried to be very encouraging and not let on that there was anything different about his test. During my afternoon testing I had a child who wanted glasses (he told me) and then tested 20/200 on his eye exam. I think he’s going to have to be retested. Unfortunately the boy who comes in for nebulizer treatments came in while I was testing so I didn’t get to do any teaching with him nor did I get to set up his treatment.

Personal Reactions/Issues/Concerns:

I really enjoyed my experience the elementary school. The children were delightful to work with and the staff was helpful and grateful for all that I did. I don’t think I want to be a school nurse anytime soon but possibly later in my career. I like that as a school nurse you can influence a child to be healthier and teach parents. I think it could be a very rewarding position.