Posts that happen when you can't sleep...

It's only taken me a year and a half but I think I've figured out how to go to church most Sundays. One of the hardest things for me in the past year has been missing so much church. I would never have believed how much of a difference it makes. So here's my plan... my family ward meets at 8am, so on weekends I work I'll sign up for night shifts and head to church directly after work. I can go to Sacrament meeting and then home to bed. There may be days I'm in my scrubs but that will just have to do. On the Sundays that I don't work, I can attend the new single adult ward that meets at 3pm. That way I can stay on the sleep schedule my body has come to prefer. This does mean I will have to rotate from days to nights and back more frequently - so we'll see how it goes.

Sunday I spent the evening on the phone with my grandparents filling in my family history chart. It appears much of it has been done (which I already knew but was interested), there was even a line that dated back to the 1500s. And several dating back to the 16-1700s. Amazing! The highlight was chatting with the grandparents about their parents and grandparents. I had to laugh when I asked Grandpa P about a date and he had me wait while he grabbed his 5 generation genealogy sheets - and then to wait again while he got Grandma's! For as long as I can remember I've gauged my behavior on what my family/extended family would think - I even picture them looking down on me from heaven (I might be a little paranoid). I think I've always felt that I had been blessed to be part of a strong and righteous family and that I had a responsibility to live up to that heritage. The more I look into my family history the more that feeling is confirmed.

On a lighter note, Saturday night was had a service auction activity at church. One of the "services" was 1 hour of rock climbing. I didn't bid on it (I got photography lessons) but I did find a climbing partner. We went today and I climbed for the first time in probably 3 years. It felt so good to stretch and reach and pull. There is no activity quite like climbing. I can't wait to go back. Climbing tonight reminded me of an experience I had when climbing in Yosemite a number of years ago. I was on the second pitch of the climb and had gotten a bit off course. There weren't very good holds and I felt very exposed. I could feel the wind pushing me and there was nothing between me and the ground. I could not see my belayer. I remember being genuinely scared. I was afraid that if I let go of the position I had I would fall but I couldn't see how I could easily move. After a time I realized I couldn't stay where I was, I couldn't go down, and I couldn't talk to my belayer. I had to move. I had to trust my gear, myself, and ultimately that my belayer would catch me if I fell. The end was not dramatic. I made some (completely illegal) scooting-like moves and got back on course and finished the pitch. My point, sometimes life is really hard and lonely and we feel we've been left out on our own. We feel we can't communicate with our Heavenly Father. We fear he isn't listening. But we can't stand still. If we have faith in the tools he's given us (prayer, scriptures, covenants, church support, family, friends, etc), have faith in ourselves, and most importantly have faith in Him, He will not let us fall. We may not always be graceful and we may get banged up a bit (you should have seen the bruises I sported after that day) but we will make it, our bruises will heal, and we will be stronger for it. I often lament about my trials on this blog but it is primarily because I know the people who read it are those who love me and I draw strength from that. I love you all and appreciate your supportive and loving emails and calls. I am truly blessed to have such family and friends.BTW - I'm down 60 pounds as of Sunday. Size 12-14. Not currently anemic and the hair loss is slowing. Doing pretty dang fantastic.