August 1-11, 2006 Posts

August 11

Recovering
Yesterday was a bad day. A really bad day. Thankfully I have good friends and adequate tear ducts and today is a better day. I was able to address the part of the issue that was most upsetting, make a decision (not a happy one but a good one) and I got a good night sleep. I think I actually slept through the night. That's probably the only good part of all this, I never sleep through the night. So don't worry, I'll "buck up" and since I'm not a fan of having such a weak spot in my confidence maybe now would be a good time to build it up. Now how do I do that?

August 10

Is it time to go home yet?
I'm having a rough day. Last night was a rough night and it carried over to today. I've been sitting at work, nursing a very bruised and slightly bloody ego (maybe someday I'll explain what happened but not yet) and praying for 5pm to come faster. I'm just wallowing. Wo, wo, wo is me. I just want to go home, crawl in my bed and sleep for the rest of my life. I promise I'll get over it but not today, maybe tomorrow but definately not today. Today my soul feels exposed and raw. I'm must stop writing now, don't want to cry again at work. I didn't wear waterproof mascara. Mistake #5 bazillion.

August 09

WooHoo!
I turned in the last of my financial aid documentation today and ordered my books. WooHoo!

August 08

The past couple days...
The past couple days have been so crazy busy I haven't had time to write. I finally gave my notice at work. Yea!! It makes the whole going back to school and becoming a nurse thing so much more real. No going back now; I am officially, in 2 weeks, a full time student. So weird. The last few months I've been trying to find my way through a million financial aid forms, insurance, medical records, applications, blah, blah, blah. I feel like the whole process is overly complicated and I'm going to die of hand cramps but I have it almost complete and am reasonably confident everything will go through. Pray for me. I have been really worried about depending solely on loans this semester so I sent the word out and last night got a job babysitting a 3 year old boy 10 hours a week. Should be enough to pay for my gas & insurance. I can't explain how relieved I feel. It's like an enormous burden has been lifted. I feel like I've been preparing for this for years and now I'm standing on the brink of my biggest adventure yet. I'm seriously giddy with excitement.

I have more good news but I can't share for another week or so...

August 04

Good Quote
"Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness" Edward Stanley

When I was in college I followed a super strict eating and exercise program - everthing I ate was planned, broken down into protein, CHO and fat, counted, measured... and then I worked out, in the gym (non-gym workouts didn't really count) 1.5-2 hours/day 5-6 days/week. I have to admit, it worked and I looked great but then I started eating whatever I wanted on Friday night; that stretched to Saturday night, then all day Saturday and then a general panic that if I curbed my eating at all I would never get to eat what I want again. It sounds irrational but when you deprive yourself for long periods of time your brain knows it's possible that it will never again experience a cookie. So I gained all the weight back and then some and had a lovely eating disorder. It took 7 years before I was ready to try losing weight I was so afraid of that eating disorder. So here I am, on Weight Watchers, not losing as quickly as I'd like but definately making better choices, learning about and trying new foods and learning to listen to my body. And exercise is becoming a good thing again. I, of course, would prefer a quick fix but have learned that to be truly successful I'm going to have to change my life. A while back my cousin Nate said something that really stuck with me, I was complaining I didn't want to be a gym slave and it wasn't fair some people didn't have to work hard, why should I... and he said, essentially, that if I wanted a healthy body I would have to earn it. So it's taken me a while but I'm on the bandwagon. Healthy, happy bodies are earned and I'm working on earning one of my own - but this time in a realistic, normal, healthy way. I've learned from painful experience that if I don't take care of my body it won't take care of me. By the way, I'm wearing one of my favorite Abercrombie shirts that's been sitting a box of smaller clothes for a long time now. I'm smiling. I can't wait to go home and work out.

August 02

It's a GIRL!
My brother Steve and his wife Kelli are having their first baby and today found out they're having the first Palmer Girl! First girl grandchild - I'm the first Palmer girl (and only). I'm so excited. I love baby boys and all the wrestling, growling and chasing involved but I'm so excited to get to do all that (I assume you can growl at a girl) and play dolls and buy her pretty things. I love being an aunt.

It's Official
I am officially extending "Annoying Julie to Death by Driving Unreasonably Slow in Front of Her" day one more day. So please, please get it out of your systems as tomorrow I might start ramming people with my car.